While looking at the sun, calmly, setting down slowly, I felt a kind of sorrow from within. Watching the reflection of its rays on the water flowing enthusiastically, but doesn't know where it should be heading to.
It is like me. The water--just flowing anywhere it could be.
I feel so empty.
My friends and colleagues are already licensed doctors, lawyers, psychologists, engineers, or any goals they wanted to achieve when we were young.
But, here I am, sitting, looking at the reflection of the sun on the flowing water, still figuring out what I really want in life.
The emptiness that is building in my core; feeling like I am doing a worthless job and this isn't really my passion. Yes, I am blessed to have this job especially in this time of crisis; but I can't help but feel something is rotting inside of me keeping me empty, hollow, lethargic.
Looking back, I was so idealistic. Now, I fear that day by day, I am beginning to lose the sight of what I was aiming for.
Farther and farther, I feel so lost.
I feel that I am left behind.
The other friends of mine are already settled, stable, married, with kids.
Meanwhile, here I am thinking what am I gonna eat for breakfast.
I feel so lost.
I know I should not compare, but I miss having dreams, hoping to pursue, wanting to achieve.
When I left the Philippines, I told myself I would use my idle time here to study Engineering, Law, or Psych, so when I go back to PH, I would enroll again.
I would just save money here then I will come back.
But looking at the current situation in my home country, do I have a place to go back to?
Everything is so messed up--from politics to plans to hopes and dreams
I am messed up, but at least I have you.
I am always insecure thinking I ain't good enough and am not that intelligent compared to others.
But maybe, I don't really credit myself for my achievements and for reaching this far.
I always doubt myself.
I always feel lost.
I always think that I am up to no good. That my time will pass and long before I realize, everything will be too late.
But thank you, for believing in me.
And to all the people who've always been my rock. Stable, keeping me stronger, no matter how hard I flow everywhere like water.
♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥
