Lord, please lead me the way. I am still in the crossroad. I am finding myself again disobeying you and letting myself decide on my own. Please give me courage to trust in You. I want to fully trust in You and Your better plans on me. Give me wisdom to understand Your will. That I would not turn back and return to the same place where you want me to leave. It is so hard to follow Your rules, I am still in a lot of pain. I could not even comprehend if this is the right thing to do and if this is really what You want me to do. I feel like crying. No, I am crying; deep inside me, weeping. Until when should I cry? Until when should I suffer? I am so tired already, Lord. I could not even see what's Your good plan for me. I always find myself in one corner wishing everything will be well–still hoping, waiting for You to light my path. When will my time come? When will you give me happiness–the joy that I know would there be no ending. The one I know would not end. The one that is permanent. I am longing for that. I just want my constant. I am so afraid to walk away and start again, that is why I keep coming back to the place you want me to go.
Lord, please give me courage to pursue. Help me find the strength to surrender fully in You.
