Believe

When the world is meant to fall
It willl fall
No matter how you try not to
It will just fall eventually
    Not too slow
          Not too fast
Just right
Just as He planned to be.
Believe in Him.
     You’ll surpass it
          You won't notice,
    Without even knowing;
You can see
You’ll touch the stars
You’ll win this game
You’ll end up being happy.
Just wait for your turn.
Don’t rush
For rushing doesn't always give you best.
Just wait for your turn,
It will run perfectly
It will run as He planned.
 8/19/12 1:59pm

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

relevant~

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Bahay lang ang dapat tahanan namin.

Heto na naman. Paulit-ulit. Sigawan. Bangayan. Hindi yata pwedeng matapos ang araw nang hindi sila nag-aaway.

Pauulit-ulit si Mama Sumisigaw. Humihiyaw. Pinapagalitan si Papa dahil ang utos niya’y hindi nagawa ng tama. Si Papa naman, ayun, sumasagot din. Kaya ang nagyari, malawakang bagayan. Nakakarindi.

Naiinis ako sa pamilya ko. Kaya rin siguro gala akong tao. Ayoko magstay sa bahay namin. Paano ba naman, makakarinig ka lang ng hindi matapos tapos na awayan. Paulit-ulit na bangayan. ‘Yung tipong gusto mo na lang humiling n asana, bingi ka na lang para hindi mo sila marinig. Nakakaiyak.

Walang trabaho si Papa, sakitin pa. Naiinis ako sa kanya. Naiinis din ako sa sarili ko dahil naiinis ako sa kanya. Pinipilit ko siyang intindihin pero nakakainis talaga eh. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Nasa Itaas,  lagi na lang, lagi na lang silang nagsisigawan. Hindi ba nila naiisip ung damdamin ng mga anak nila? Habang naririnig naming sila, gusto ko na lang magpalit ng pamilya. Pinipilit ko silang pigilang mag-away. Pero mas lalong lumalala pag pinatahimik mo. Nakakrindi na talaga. L

Walang ginagawang masama si Papa. Wala ring ginagawang mabuti. In short, wala siyang ginagawa. Hindi ko alam o sadyang hindi ko lang talaga alam. Ni hindi nga siya nag-e-effort maghanap ng trabaho. I mean, oo, matanda na siya, sakitin na rin, pero ni hindi siya gumagawa ng paraan para makatulong at makahanap ng pera. Lalaki siya, tatay pa, siya dapat ang sandigan naming pamilya. Pero, nakasandal din siya sa pamilya. L

Walang isyu sa akin kung maliit ang sweldo niya o gaano kababa ang trabaho niya. Ang sa akin lang, ‘ung makitang may ginagawa siya. Yung nasgsusumikap siya. ‘Yun bang hindi siya umaasa sa nauuwing kita ni Kuya at ni Mama. Hindi siya madiskarte. Hindi siya gumagawa ng paraan. Maarte. Aksayado. Akala mo naman siya ang bumibili ng gamit at pagkain. Hindi pa mapagbigay. Inaagawan pa pati kaming mga anak niya. Ni hindi siya nagpapaubaya minsan kahit na magulang siya, eh ni hindi niya nga mabigay sa amin ang mga ganoon eh.

Nakatambay na lang siya sa bahay ngayon. Matapos na magsara ang kumpanyang MALTC at tinake-over ng ibang kumpanya, hindi na niya pwedeng ipagpatuloy ang pagiging konduktor. Pagkatapos noon, nagmaneho siya ng tri-bike, isang pedicab (bisikletang may akay-akay na upuan para sa pasahero). Oo, mahirap ang ganoon trabaho, at na-appreciate ko ‘yon. Pero utang na loob, habang buhay na lang bang ganoon. Pwede siyang mabilhan ng tricycle o iprovide ng kibigan ng pamilya ang pagpasada niya sa isang tricycle ngnit hindi ito possible dahil hindi siya marunong. At wala siyang ginagawa para matuto man lang. Mahina ang loob. Nakakainis.

Ngayon, dahil puro sakit na ang nagbabadya sa kanyang katawan, sa bahay na naming siya namamalagi. Walang ginagawa—umiikot sa loob ng bahay, nakatunganga, pinapakealaman kami. Halos nauubos lang ang oras ng isang araw sa ganoong routine. Kakalikutin ang isang bagay na wala naming halaga at ilalaan ang buong oras na iyon para titigan pakialaman. Kapag nakita niyang may ginawang mali, sisitahin niya kami at papagalitan. Naiinis ako. Bago mo ko pagalitan, ayusin mo muna yung buhay mo. Oo, parang nawala na ang respeto ko sa kanya. Simula noong nasa ikatlonf taon ako ng hayskul, nawala na ito. Mula nang mag-umpisa nang gumulo sa aming bahay.

Naiinis ako sa Mama ko. Paano, pinapaluti-ulit-ulit-ulit-ulit niya lahat ng kamaliang ginawa ng Papa ko. At kapag may ginawa ulit siya mali, asahan mo, parang utang sa tindahan na nakalista, daig pa ang SONA ng pangulo sa dami niyang masasabing ginawa ng huli. Paulit-ulit. Sumisigaw. Humihiyaw. Wala siyang pakialam sa lahat ng nakakarinig. Wlaa siyang pakialam sa amin, kung ano bang ibubunga ng lahat ng ginagawa nilang pag-aaway sa aming nakaririnig, sa mga anak nila. Ayoko na sigurong mag-asawa kung ganoon lang din ang buhay ko. Minsan, gusto ko rin silang tanungin, mahal pa ba nila ang isa’t-isa?

Naiinis ako. Hindi mo matatagpuan ang katahimikan once na mag-umpisa silang magbayangan. Wala ka rin naming magagawa dahil kahit pahintuin mo sila dahil ikaw lang din ang masisi, magmumukha ka pang masama. Anywaym magmukha ka mang masama, hindi pa rin sila titigil, lalo na si Mama. Bubungangaan ka niya na parang walang bukas. Akala niya siguro masaya yun at stress relieving. Akala niya siguro, tama rin yung ginagawa. Siguro nga akala niya tana siya, total lagi naman siyang tama para sa kanya. Pagsasabihan mo siya ng kamalian niya, ang sasabihin niya, “Eh ganito ako eh, wala ka nang magagawa.” Okay. Eh kung magpakamatay na lang ako nang matakasan ko na itong pamilyang ‘to.

Bugnutin naman si Kuya. Magsabi ka lang ng konting bagay at hindi niya magustuhan, humanda ka na sa kamao niyang tatama sa pisngi o kung saan mang katawan. Nakakainis siya, dahil hindi ko mahanap sa kanya ang pagiging kuya. Masungit, sarado ang isip, hindi ko alam. Lagi kaming nag-aaway, pisikalan man at emosyunalan. Hindi niya ako kilala, mas kilala pa nga ako ng mga kaibigan ko compared sa kanya eh. Lagi niyang ibabaling sa akin ang mga bagay-bagay once na maiinit ang ulo niya. Lagi niya akong sinasabihan ng masasakit na bagay once na magustuhan niya. L Lumalaban ako, nagsasalita rin, nanununtok din, sumasagot ng pabalang—at doon na rin nagsisimula ang lahat: awayan.

Nawawalan na ako ng respeto sa kanila. Mas gugustuhin ko pang nasa labas na lang ako ng bahay o makitulog sa ibang bahay huwag ko lang madatnan ang pangyayaring ganito sa sarili naming bahay. Walang maayos na komunikasyon, puro away at damdamin ang pinapairal. Wala kang maririnig na katahimikan, dahil puno na ito nang sigawang malalakas. Wala ka na ngang ginagawang mali, wala ka pa ring ginagawang tama. At kapag wala ka nang ginawa, mali ka pa rin. Naiinis ako sa pamilyang ito. Hindi naman kami dati ganito eh. Namimiss ko na yung dati, yung nagpipicnic pa kami once in a moth o pumupunta sa SM always after going to the mass. Kumpleto pa kaming nagsisimba. Kumpleto pa kaming kumakain sa Jollibee. Pero ngayon, wala na nga pera, wala pang bonding. Hindi na kami yung ideal family tulad ng dati. Kumpleto nga kami, wala naming connections at pagmamahal.

Naiinggit ako sa iba: sa mga kakilala ko na napakasaya sa kanilang pamilya. Meron silang masasandalan kapag may problema sila. Eh ako? Hindi ko sila matakbuhan, dahil mismong sila, pinoproblema ako. Kapag sinabi ko naman ito sa kanila, sasabihin nila ang arte ko. Napaka-emosyonal. Haaaaay~ Pasensya na ah. Gusto ko lang ng matinong pamiya eh. Masama bang humangad ng ganoon?

Well, hindi naman kami lagging ganito. Merong time din naman na nag-uusap kami ng maayos at matino. At hindi ko sinasabing hindi nila ako mahal and vice versa. Alam kong ganito man ako lumaki at ganito ako mag-isip (napakasama), hindi pa ring nila ako iiwan (sana). Pero, kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon ko, at araw-araw ay lagi na lang ganoon ang eksene, tulad ng sa paggising mo sa umaga ay sila na agad ang maaabutan mong nag-aaway, mao-ovewrpower nito lahat ng masasayang alalang meron kayo ng pamilya mo. Darating at darating na kung hindi sila magbabago, sana inilagay na lang ako sa ibang pamilya. L

Lastly, hindi ko naman hinahangad na makahanap ng ibang magulang/pamilya, ang sa akin lang, sana maayos na ito. Sana magbago na sila. Sana hindi na sila mag-away. Sana hindi na sumisigaw lagi si Mama. Sana hindi na siya lagging galit. Sana naiintindihan niya kami, ako. Sana alam niyang nakakainis siya sa tuwing pinapatigil ko siya at di pa siya tumitigil. Sana mabasa niya ito. Sana malaman niya ang saloobin ko. Sana alam niyang umiiyak ako, hindi man nakikita at wala mang luha, sa tuwing nag-aaway sila. Sana magbago na sila. Sana maging pamilya na kami. Sana kahit wala kaming pera, sana, masaya pa rin. L L L

Sunday

August 19, 2012

1:43pm

 ♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Balikan mo ako. Sige na.

Thursday, ‎July ‎19, ‎2012, ‏‎10:52:47 AM

Hello Banunay! Napakatulin nga naman ng oras, ‘no?  Parang kailan lang nang lasapin mo ang panibagong yugto ng buhay mo. Parang kailan lang noong una kang tumapak sa kolehiyo. Kay tagal na rin pala. Kay tagal na nang araw na iyon.

Para sa akin, lahat ng first, ay mahalaga. Naroon ang unang kamalian at ang kalakip nitong pakiramdam. Naroon ang unang hiyang paurong sulong at mga pagdadalawang-isip kung kakausapin ko ba ang isang taong ito o hindi. Maririnig mo ang “rubdub” ng iyong puso. Tumitibok ito na para bang nakita mo ang taong pinapangarap at pinapantasya mo. Pero, hindi talaga dahil kabado ka lang. Wala kang kakilala—wala ni isa. Oo, ikaw lang mag-isa.

Naalala ko pa. Late ako ng araw na iyon. Late ako noong unang oryentasyon. Hindi ko na naabutan ang programa. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Nakita ko na lang ang sarili ko na nakatayo sa gitna ng Palma Hall Annex, hindi malaman ang gagawin. Tuliro. Nakatayo.

Dumiretso na ako sa Office of Registration (OUR) pagkatapos kong pumunta sa Departamento ng Sikolohiya para papirmahan ang form5 ko sa adviser.Kulang pa ako ng subjects ng mga panahong iyon, kaya naman nang makakita ako ng kapwa psych-major din na pwedeng mapagtanungan ay pinatos ko na. Wala nang hiya-hiya.

Sa katangahan ko (malay ko ba!), sinulat ko ang lahat ng subjects ng tulad kong psych major na yun. Sabi ko pa, “sige na! Patingin ng subjects mo, para classmates tayo.” Hahaha. Akala ko ay okay na, hindi pala. Pinagalitan pa ako ng mga taong nasa registration dahil dapat daw hindi ko dapat sinusulatan ang form5 at ang mga nakatataas lang ang pwedeng magsulat dito. Dagdag pa niya, coputerized lahat ng transaction dito sa UP kabilang na ang pagkuha ng subject.

Nagkahiwalay na kami ng landas. Nauna na siyang natapos magpa-enroll dahil kumpleto na ang subjects niya. Ako, naroon pa rin, nakapila. Tinext ko si Rachel na kauna-unahan kong nakilala at naging kaibigan sa UP. Nakilala ko siya noong April 30, 2010 sa UP Health Service. Nasa harapan ko siya ng pila ng medical check-up kasama na ang x-ray, dental at eye vision. Sa buong pilahang naganap, mula ng unang “hi” at “hello” naming dalawa, daldalan lang aming ginawa. Ang masaya nito, magkaibigan pa rin kami hanggang ngayon.

Alas-tres na ng hapon nang matapos akong magpa-enroll. Masaya ako. Sa wakas, enrolled na ako. Yey! First year na ako at dito pa sa primaryang unibersida sa Pilipinas, sa UP-Diliman. Tuwang-tuwa rin ako dahil nakuha ko ang Tae Kwon Do na PE. Oha!

Ibang kaba rin ang naramdaman ko noong unang araw ng pasukan. Iiba na ang mga kaklase at bagong pakikisama na naman. Pati ang propesor, kailangan mo ring timplahin at hanapin ag kiliti. Ibang hirap na dala dulot ng pag-aaral. Mas matindi na ang pagpupuyat at pakapalan ng mga babasahin. Ibang buhay. Nakakatakot—ako’y natakot.

Na-culture shock ako rito sa kolehiyo. Iba talaga ang buhay dito. Galing ako sa pampublikong paaralan at simple ang buhay kaya naman nagulat ako sa ibang aurang dulot ng mga mag-aaral dito. Iba-iba sila—liberated, mayaman, sosyal, aktibista, japorms, matalino, inglisero, lahat na. Sa unang araw ng pasukan pa lamang, ibinabandera na nila ang maagarbong sasakyan, gamit sa eskwelahan, mamahaling cellphone at aplle na laptop. Haaaay. Payabangan na rin ng eskwelahang pinaggalingan. Pamahalan ng damit at pabonggahan. Samantalang ako, kung anong una kong mahalungkat sa aking damitan ayun na ang isosoot. Wala ng mix and match at pilian pang magaganap.

Sa unang araw din ng kolehiyo, lahat ng klase ko ay hindi pinasukan ng propesor. Hinintay namin sila ngunit hanggang sa huli, ni larawan at proxy nila ay hindi namin nakita. Madaling madali pa naman ako sa bawat klaseng aking pupuntahan dahil ayokong malate tapos hindi sila magpapakita. Kaasar ah. Hahaha. Naligaw pa nga ako sa mga rooms dahil sa AS, magkahiwalay ang mga odd at even numbers na room. Malay ko ba. Akala ko, hindi ko lang talaga makita yung room ko. Oo, inikot ko ang buong Palma mula 1st floor hanggang 4th. Ako na!

Kay rami pang nangyari sa mga susunod na araw. May mga naging kaibigan din naman ako kahit papaano. ‘Yung isa nga roon, nilibre pa kami ng lunch. Yum yum yum yum! Super saya ng mga panahong iyon dahil marami kaming nagsalu-salo at sabay-sabay na kumain. May mga nakilala rin akong hindi ko malaman kung dadaldalin at kakausapin ko ba o hindi. Paano, sa haba-haba ng sinabi ko (daig pa nobela), “oo” at “magaling” lang ang sasabihin. Ang mas masaklap pa, ‘yun bang titingnan ka lang o kung hindi nama’y ngngiti. Bilang na bilang mo ang salitang sasabihin.

Nahirapan din ako sa schedule ng klase, paano ba naman, walang pagitan ang sujects ko. Ibig sabihin, kailangan kong lumipad patungong Math Building galing AS Looby. Ang masaklap, saktong-sakto kung magpaalis ang prof namin sa AS kaya kailangan naming gamitin ang mga tinatago naming superporwers para hindi ma-late sa Math. Okay.

Halos lahat ng mga event na handog ng Student Council at ng kung ano pa mang organizations sa tulad naming mga freshie ay aking pinuntahan. Siyempre, minsan lang maging fresihe kaya lasapin mo ang lahat ng pwedeng lasapin! I-enjoy baga ang pagkabata at pagka-fresh nang wala kang pagsisihan bandang huli.

Ayun, tulad ng mga oras na lumipas buhat ng ako’y pumasok sa unibersidad na ito at hanggang ngayong nasa ika-tatlong taon na ako ng kolehiyo, hindi ko na ito namalayan. Nawala na rin ako sa ulirat na nasa ikatlong pahina na ako ng pagkekwentong ito. Kay bilis, tulad ngayon. At darating din ang araw na matatapos din ako sa yugto ng buhay kong ito tulad ng kwento kong ito na ngayo’y binabasa niyo.

Sabi nila, hindi mo makalilimutan ang lahat ng mga una at firsts. Totoo nga. Ngunit, hindi ito matatapos sa unang karanasan, unang kaibigan, unang pagkatuto at unang damdamin. Masusundan at masusundan ito. Marami rin naman akong kailangan pang gawin at maranasan, ngunit asahan niyo, hinding hindi ko siya tatakbuhan at haharapin ng buong tapang. Hindi sa kolehiyo matatapos ang lahat. Hindi sa pagiging freshie at kung paano ka unang naligaw. Masusundan pa ang lahat ng simula. Mas marami pang magiging simula.  

O sige na, Banunay. Tatapusin ko na ito at nang may masimulan akong bago. J

 ♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

The Barnum Effect

Some people have always been curious about their own personality. Personality is an individual’s consistent pattern in the behavior and intrapersonal process (Burger, 2011). Though it originates within the individual, there are cases that two different people say they are really alike. They share common characteristics and traits that make them similar to each other and complement each other.

There are also some other cases that generalized characteristics that many people have were claimed by someone. Those general characteristics are the universal validities and people strongly claiming those characteristics were tend to engage in personal validation. Because the information (generalized characteristics) is ambiguous, it may apply to any person (Forer, 1949).

That’s what we call the Barnum effect. It states that general information is applied to themselves. We thought that the generalized characteristics presented to us are exactly our characteristics. We thought that we possessed those traits, not mind that other people have those traits too.

In the Psych150-Personality class, our professor gave homework which will demonstrate the Barnum Effect through the “Person-Tree Test.” The homework asked us to find four participants, consisting of two females and two males, who have not yet taken Psych101. As the handout asked us to do, we administered the test by asking the four participants to draw a person and a tree. Their drawing, as we said to them, would be the basis in knowing and assessing their personality.

I got the two female participants (Lala and Lulu, not their real names) from my community/city-based organization to participate in the experiment last July 25. First, I asked their consent by explaining the objectives of the study and they agreed quickly and willingly. They had no hesitation to engage in the study and started to draw as I finished telling the procedures.

I asked and approached Lala and Lulu at the same time (July 25) at UP Kustura’s tambayan near Vinzons Hall.  I provided each of them with a pen and paper and let them draw there. They were separated before they started drawing so that they won’t copy or look at each other's work.

On the other hand, my two male participants, one from the College of Arts and Letters (CAL) and the other from the College of Engineering (Eng’g), were hesitating to participate at first. They didn’t agree to participate immediately. But as I explained to them the objectives of the experiment and told them that they can reject the result if they want, those two changed their minds and agreed to be part of this.

Participant from CAL did the experiment at Faculty Center (FC). He’s my former classmate in a GE class. He agreed to be my participant with no particular reason or maybe just for the sake of helping me. He drew a simple stick man under the tree and gave it to me. The other participant who’s from College of Eng’g conducted the experiment at our Eng30 classroom before the class started. He passionately drew himself (according to him) sleeping under the tree with branches. He also said to hurry up and assess his personality for he assumed that I will say he’s so cool based on his drawing. Yes, he’s somewhat narcissist like that (kidding).

Because I conducted all those experiments on the same day, I decided to debrief them all on the same day too (except for Eng’g student). I promised them to give the interpretations the next day. I reasoned out that I need to consult my notes to assess their personality accurately. I added also that I will carefully analyze the smallest details of their work so I need enough time. Fortunately, they all agreed and wait for the next day. At that night, I typed the fabricated interpretations and printed them as I have supposed to do. Below is the list of interpretations we chose to give to our participants (according to their number in the handout):

1. You have a need for other people to like and admire you.

2. You tend to be critical of yourself.

3. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.

4. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage.

6. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you made the right decision or did the right thing.

10. At times you are extraverted and sociable, while at other times you are introverted and reversed.

I gave the interpretations to them as I promised. I waited for Lala and Lulu at the tambayan to give the printed interpretations and they were so amazed because of the result. They said they want to know how I found out those things. Lulu kept on asking what are the guidelines and basis of assessing their personality while Lala was so happy and kept on saying “Ang galing! Wowww! Ang galing! Akong ako ‘to. Ang galing!” Both of them rated 5 (extremely accurate) their evaluation sheet. I broke their happiness by saying “oooopppssss. Tingnan niyo, parehas kayo ng interpretation.” The two looked at the interpretation of the other. Then, after they realized that I “cheated” (according to them), I explained the Barnum effect and the 3 levels of classification. I emphasized to them that the interpretations are in the level 2 (characteristics of someone relative to the other) and generalized characteristics. They felt a bit disappointed at first but moved on after some time.

I meet the student from CAL at FC (as what we have agreed before). After he read the interpretation, he smiled at me and said, “So true! Amazing! Wag mo babasahin iniisip ko ah!” He was the one who don’t particularly want to assess his personality so I was a bit shocked when he responded to me and said those words. To avoid further misunderstanding, after he answered the evaluation form and rated how accurately the assessment, I explained the Barnum effect as what I have explained it earlier to Lala and Lulu. He just smiled after hearing my explanations and said, “Ok.”

Because we didn’t have Eng30 on Thursday, I skipped the student from Eng’g and wait for the next day. Before our professor came, I gave the interpretation to him. He replied, “Naks! Ang galing, oo nga ‘no. Marami talaga akong potensyal. Buti na lang, kinareer ko ang drawing ko. Manghuhula ka ‘no?” And I heard another fanboy replies after conducting the experiment. I decided to end his admiration for my so-called-manghuhula-ability and explained the Barnum effect like I told the other three. After the explanations, he said: “Woooow! Oo nga ‘no! Ang galing!” I thought after explaining it to him, he will stop by saying “ang galing” but no, he kept on repeating and repeating it more.

The experiment which demonstrates the Barnum effect made me understand why personality quizzes on Facebook or on other sites are so popular to the people. They believe in the results and kept on answering personality tests. Even I had been victimized by those tests until I knew this. Because of knowing the tricks on the result, I will stop relaying to unauthorized personality quizzes all over the cyber world and won’t believe easily to something that tells that it will assess my personality.

References:

Burger, J. M. (2011).  Personality an introduction. Philippines: Cengage Learning

Asia Pte. Ltd.

Forer, B. R. (1949). The fallacy of personal validation: A classroom demonstration of

gullibility. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 44, 118-121♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

This is the last time i will post about you.

Alam mo, nakakainis ang tao. Oo, nakakainis ka! Akala mo kung sino ka. Akala mo kung sino kang magaling. Akala mo kung sino kang perpekto. Mapanghusga. Nakakainis! Oo, ikaw! Nakakainis. 

Nakakainis talaga ang ugali mo. Hindi ka naman ganoong kagaling pero ganyan ka makapanghusga. Ni wala ka pa ngang napapatunayan at nakakamit eh. Kung paano ka magsalita at tumingin. Ako’y naiiirita. Hindi mo man sabihin, ni hindi mo man isulat, alam ko, hinuhusgahan mo na ang pagkatao ng isang taong iyon—ako at sila.

Bakit ka ganyan? Nagawa mo pang lumapit sa akin at magtanong. Ang plastic mo, alam mo ba yun. Kulang na lang sabunutan kita at sampalin. Gusto kong sumigaw at humiyaw at magwala pero hindi pwede. Bvakit nga ba? Wala naman akong katunayan na ikaw ay nanghuhuhusga. Wala naman akong maibibigay na rason para patunayan lahat ng mga iniisip ko. Wala. Oo, ayoko mang tanggapin, pero, wala.

Nakakainis ka talaga! Naiinis ako sa’yo. Hindi ka ba makaramdam? Puro ka biro, pero, alam kong sa kasuluksulukan ng isip mo, hinuhusgahan mo na ako. Oo, pinipintasan mo na ako. Criticize. Scrutinize. I don’t like that!

Nakakainis ka. Naiinis ako sa’yo. Ano bang mali sa pagiging tao? Ano bang mali kung may kamalian ako? Ano ba! Hindi ka diyos. Hindi ka perpekto. Wag kang ganyan! Tigilan mo ako.

Hindi ako natutuwa sa’yo. Hindi ako natutuwa sa mga banat mo. Hindi ako natutuwa sa pagtitig mo sa akin at sa nangungusap mong mata. Alam kong may kahulugan ang bawat mong tingin. Alam kong may gusto kang sabihin sa akin. Alam kong gusto mong mamintas. Alam ko ‘yon kahit ‘di mo sabihin.

Bakit ka ganyan. Bakit ganyan ang ugali mo? Hindi ka na ba talaga pwede maging makatao? O sige na, kahit mag-asal tao ka na lang. Maawa ka naman sa mga taong iyong nasasaktan. Maawa ka naman sa lihim kong paghihinagpis. Maawa ka naman sa nararamdaman ko.

Pero, hindi naman talaga iyon ang punto. Sa katunayan, hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ako nagagalit. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako naiinis. Gusto naman kita at ang iba mong ugali. Sadyang ayaw ko lang sa ganoong aspekto ng personalidad mo. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit eh. Pero sadyang ganyan talaga. Kapag alam kong may negative something na tingin ka sa’kin, hindi ako makatulog, makakain o mapakali. Ang exxagerated ‘no. Pero ganoon talaga eh. Buwisit.

Ang tsaka mo! Ang landi mo. Ang plastik mo! Ang korni mo! Napaka mo! Mapanghusga! Ang yabang mo! Hindi ka naman perpekto para maging ganyan. Akala mo kung sino ka! Hindi ka naman magaling! Hindi ka naman ganoong katalino. Hindi ka naman mahusay tulad ng pag-aakala mo sa sarili mo. Conceited man. The right word to describe you. You make my life miserble.


Written originally on May 19, 2012. Nasa Caliraya kami nooon :))
Nakamove oooooon na koooo ^^
♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

IPIP-NEO Narrative Report

NOTE: The report sent to your computer screen upon the completion of the IPIP-NEO is only a temporary web page. When you exit your web browser you will not be able to return to this URL to re-access your report. No copies of the report are sent to anyone. IF YOU WANT A PERMANENT COPY OF THE REPORT, YOU MUST SAVE THE WEB PAGE TO YOUR HARD DRIVE OR A DISKETTE, AND/OR PRINT THE REPORT WHILE YOU ARE STILL VIEWING IT IN YOUR WEB BROWSER. If you choose to save your report, naming it with an .htm extension (example: Myreport.htm) as you save it may help you to read it into a web browser later. If you choose to print the report, selecting landscape orientation for your paper will display the graphs properly. Using portrait orientation (normally the default for printers) will cause the graphs to wrap around and render them unreadable.

This report compares Banunay from the country Philippines to other females less than 21 years of age. (The name used in this report is either a nickname chosen by the person taking the test, or, if a valid nickname was not chosen, a random nickname generated by the program.)

This report estimates the individual's level on each of the five broad personality domains of the Five-Factor Model. The description of each one of the five broad domains is followed by a more detailed description of personality according to the six subdomains that comprise each domain.

A note on terminology. Personality traits describe, relative to other people, the frequency or intensity of a person's feelings, thoughts, or behaviors. Possession of a trait is therefore a matter of degree. We might describe two individuals as extraverts, but still see one as more extraverted than the other. This report uses expressions such as "extravert" or "high in extraversion" to describe someone who is likely to be seen by others as relatively extraverted. The computer program that generates this report classifies you as low, average, or high in a trait according to whether your score is approximately in the lowest 30%, middle 40%, or highest 30% of scores obtained by people of your sex and roughly your age. Your numerical scores are reported and graphed as percentile estimates. For example, a score of "60" means that your level on that trait is estimated to be higher than 60% of persons of your sex and age.

Please keep in mind that "low," "average," and "high" scores on a personality test are neither absolutely good nor bad. A particular level on any trait will probably be neutral or irrelevant for a great many activites, be helpful for accomplishing some things, and detrimental for accomplishing other things. As with any personality inventory, scores and descriptions can only approximate an individual's actual personality. High and low score descriptions are usually accurate, but average scores close to the low or high boundaries might misclassify you as only average. On each set of six subdomain scales it is somewhat uncommon but certainly possible to score high in some of the subdomains and low in the others. In such cases more attention should be paid to the subdomain scores than to the broad domain score. Questions about the accuracy of your results are best resolved by showing your report to people who know you well.

John A. Johnson wrote descriptions of the five domains and thirty subdomains. These descriptions are based on an extensive reading of the scientific literature on personality measurement. Although Dr. Johnson would like to be acknowledged as the author of these materials if they are reproduced, he has placed them in the public domain.

Extraversion

Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.
Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.


Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
EXTRAVERSION...............80 ********************************************************************************
..Friendliness.............64 ****************************************************************
..Gregariousness...........73 *************************************************************************
..Assertiveness............49 *************************************************
..Activity Level...........65 *****************************************************************
..Excitement-Seeking.......88 ****************************************************************************************
..Cheerfulness.............84 ************************************************************************************

Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.

Extraversion Facets

• Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is average.
• Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is high.
• Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is average.
• Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is average.
• Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is high.
• Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is high.

Agreeableness

Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.
Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.


Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
AGREEABLENESS..............26 **************************
..Trust....................73 *************************************************************************
..Morality.................0
..Altruism.................54 ******************************************************
..Cooperation..............19 *******************
..Modesty..................21 *********************
..Sympathy.................66 ******************************************************************

Your score on Agreeableness is low, indicating less concern with others' needs Than with your own. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising.

Agreeableness Facets

• Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is high.
• Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are notunprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is low.
• Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is average.
• Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is low.
• Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is low.
• Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is average.

Conscientiousness

Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.
Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.


Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
CONSCIENTIOUSNESS..........34 **********************************
..Self-Efficacy............59 ***********************************************************
..Orderliness..............40 ****************************************
..Dutifulness..............42 ******************************************
..Achievement-Striving.....42 ******************************************
..Self-Discipline..........41 *****************************************
..Cautiousness.............18 ******************

Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Conscientiousness Facets

• Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is average.
• Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is average.
• Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is average.
• Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is average.
• Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is average.
• Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is low.

Neuroticism

Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.
At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.


Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
NEUROTICISM................84 ************************************************************************************
..Anxiety..................90 ******************************************************************************************
..Anger....................73 *************************************************************************
..Depression...............58 **********************************************************
..Self-Consciousness.......48 ************************************************
..Immoderation.............66 ******************************************************************
..Vulnerability............99 ***************************************************************************************************

Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.

Neuroticism Facets

• Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is high.
• Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is high.
• Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is average.
• Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is average.
• Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is average.
• Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is high.

Openness to Experience

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been calledCulture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.
Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.


Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99
OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE.....40 ****************************************
..Imagination..............63 ***************************************************************
..Artistic Interests.......50 **************************************************
..Emotionality.............61 *************************************************************
..Adventurousness..........19 *******************
..Intellect................20 ********************
..Liberalism...............59 ***********************************************************

Your score on Openness to Experience is average, indicating you enjoy tradition but are willing to try new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual.

Openness Facets

• Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is average.
• Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is average.
• Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is average.
• Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is low.
• Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is low.
• Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is average.

~ i think medyo may konting kamalian itech. Mahilig ako sa adventureeeee~ I don't want "changes", sometimes, like change of feelings, emotional alternations, pabago-bagong feelings. I am sentimental in a way na ayoko minsng i-let go ang momentum dahil ito'y masaya. :) I do believe na I love adventure, hindi lang talaga ako adventurous na tao. Whuuuuuuut~ And yess, sometimes, i'm sooooo frank. Oo, iniisip ko ang feelings ng tao pero not in the case na i-e-edit mo ang mga sasabihin mo para lang iplease sila. Mas maganda na kung sabihin mo ang totoo. Magpakaprangka. I'm not that agreeable person, you know. :))


~Yeheees. This is a personality quiz we, psych150 of  Sir Eric, must take. And i find it like an average personalilty test. Some result of the test are not compatible to my personality. I know myself more. I won't let myself be defined by some personality test available on the net. I am myself. I am.

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥