Thank you, next

And I'm now ready to submit my entry for the annual essay writing contest held during New Year.

I won't go too emotional for I already have been for the past months this year, but let me tell you that this was indeed my toughest year. I cried a bunch of tears, tried unbelievable things (almost had a one-night stand because of too much sadness and yes this was a mistake), traveled to different places, met new people, became stronger. :) This coming year will be different. I'll become better, bolder, and happier. Moreover, before the year ends, I wanted to list down and looked back on what has happened:


☑ Went to Sagada
☑ Went to Coron, Palawan
☑ Went to Dipaculo Beach, Dinadiawan
☑ Went to Laiya Batangas with officemates
☑ Went to La Union
☑ Went to Daranak Falls in Tanay
☑ Swam at Munkilat Falls of Ifugao
☑ Swam at Kay-Ibon Falls
☑ Swam at Bantimol Falls
☑ Skin diving to view coral reefs
☑ First Major Climb, Mt. Napulauan
☑ First time to experience the Mossy Forest
☑ First time at Calauit Safari Park
☑ First time at Kalinawan Cove
☑ Made a giraffe ate grasses
☑ Hiked Mt. Batulosong
☑ Hiked Mt. Ulap
☑ Hiked Mt. Pulag
☑ Hiked Mt. Tapyas
☑ First-time Fit and Fun Buddy Run without him
☑ First time to join URC Fun Run
☑ Passed the teaching job position for Senior High School (unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to immediately resign so I didn't accept the position--it was my dream to teach kids)
☑ Went to Pan de Americana (off the bucket list that I wrote way back 2012)
☑ Five times (this year) in Tagaytay with different barkada
☑ Five times staycation this year (Airbnb, Tomas Morato Vertis, Estancia, Citadines, Twin Tower)
☑ Ten times (this year) to facilitate ACE Training and got the average rating score of 4.20 ♡♡)
☑ First time at Luljetta's Garden Spa
☑ First time to try full massage/spa
☑ First time at Cinema Centenario
☑ Filed Residency
☑ Went LOA in grad school
☑ Picked up by a man in a bar while on a date with ex
☑ Summer outing at Galilee Resort in Bulacan
☑ Strategic Planning at Greenery Resort, Bulacan
☑ 2nd meet up of Buklod after graduation
☑ First time to conduct Site HR Reunion
☑ First time horseback riding (although it was awkward riding along with a total stranger)
☑ First time to play archery
☑ First time at Filling Station Bar Cafe
☑ First time at Uke Box Cafe
☑ First time at Book and Borders Cafe
☑ First time at Long Weekend Cafe
☑ First time at Forget Me Not Cafe
☑ First time at Gift Avenue Cafe
☑ First time at Cafe by the Ruins
☑ First time at The Fat Seed Cafe
☑ First time at Flotsam and Jetsam Cafe & Bar
☑ First time to watch a last-full show movie alone
☑ First time at Cebu Pacific Head Office for a meeting
☑ First time to attend The Feast
☑ First time to judge a RET event (Halloween Decorating Contest)
☑ First time at Ocean Park <3 (off the bucket list that I wrote way back 2012)
☑ First time to attend Watercolor Session
☑ First time to attend Calligraphy Workshop
☑ First time to attend Spoken Word Poetry
☑ First romantic break up with my (first) boyfriend of four years
☑ First time at Breakout Manila (with Psych friends)
☑ First time at Mystery Manila (with officemates)
☑ First time to win Company Raffle (with a twist)
☑ First time to get the garter at a wedding
☑ First time at Ben Cab Museum
☑ First time on Lettuce Picking
☑ Dabarkads Business Planning
☑ Costa Marquina Resort with newly elected Sangguniang Kabataan
☑ First-time gun shooting
☑ Reunion with Site HR OJT
☑ Attended Musical Play in Ateneo (it wasn't the first time tho)
☑ First time in a bar alone to drink and cry (Deqada Bar)
☑ First time in Estancia Tagaytay (and first out of town with Psych friends)
☑ Almost had a one-night stand HUHUHU scaryyyyy
☑ First time to date a total stranger (it happened twice this year huhuhu due to extreme sadness/way to forget)
☑ Planned to work abroad with a friend
☑ Attended UAAP Men's Basketball (not the first time tho)
☑ Befriended Nescie
☑ Second time in Baguio
☑ Second time in Dreamland Cafe
☑ Second time in Pililla Wind Mill
☑  Executed events/workshops like Diet Consultation, Ash Wednesday Mass, Thanksgiving Mass, Corporate Sweetheart, Dance Showdown, Annual Physical Exam, Paper Quilling,  etc.
☑ Got my passport
☑ Applied and got my credit card
☑ Opened a passbook/bank account other than payroll account

and many more that I really can't remember atm...


This coming year, 2019, will be different. Here are my goals that I want to achieve. I promise to force myself and to keep the fire on me to stay committed to making these things real. In the last days of 2019, I'll look at this entry again and see if I fulfill my wishes.

☑️ Travel abroad (July 20, 2019)
☑️ Work abroad (August 15, 2019)
☑️ Resign (July 19, 2019)
☑️ Move on completely
☑️ Fall in love again (October 12, 2019)
☑️ Get a (serious/lifetime) boyfriend (although I'm not in a hurry, but still, I want to feel again the kilig feeling of taking care of someone ♡❤♡)
☐ Go to Star City/Enchanted Kingdom (already went there but still, I want to go there before I go abroad)
☐ Give a token of appreciation to the friends I love
☑️ Get a big size teddy bear (June 2021)
☐ Commitment to the Habit Tracker
☐ Minimize procrastination
☐ Hike Mt. Ugo
☐ Hike Mt. Sicapoo
☑️ Graduate in June 2019
☑️ Shop in Taytay Market
☑️ Have a meaningful talk with a stranger
☐ Storytelling/blog about Bearbrand (I don't know if I still want to do it, but for the sake of memories lol)
☐ Talk to Bearbrand and bid the last farewell since I'll be going in a faraway land
☑️ Bid farewell to the (closest) people in the Philippines
☑️ Meet friends I haven't seen in a long time (e.g. buddy, Le Anne, Judee, Karla, Jay-ar, etc)
☐ Read The Alchemist Book
☐ Read The Book of Lost Things
☐ Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad
☑️ Finish How I Met Your Mother
☐ Buy DSLR and pursue passion in photography
☐ Finish the 2019 planner
☑️ Get Watercolor Pad and set aside time for watercolor session
☐ Submit an Intent Letter to MPC for a part-time teaching position
☐ Date Mama
☐ Celebrate 61st birthday of Mama
☐ Be active in The Feast/Destiny
☑️ Submit the pending 2018 liquidation
☐ Get my Training Facilitator Certificate
☐ Brush off self-doubt


(this list isn't final yet; maybe I'll add some things, I just can't remember what else I want to achieve)

Ganbatte, banunay-chan! Let's go with the #Braver2019

What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Leaving everything behind this 2018

I miss you.

Sometimes i feel like these three words are enough. They some up the past four years of my life. They sum up my story with you, but if you're looking for more details, then let me tell you exactly when i miss you.

I miss you when i'm alone. I miss your warmth that melted the ice inside my heart. I miss your vibrant energy that could fill even my darkest nights with color. I miss your aura and how it used to fill my lonely nights with life. I miss how i stopped being afraid of the dark when you were beside me.

I miss you when I'm with people. When i look at them and remember you. When i talk to them and hear your voice. When i make them smile and suddenly picture you.

I just miss you.

Missing you has become my habit. My routine. Because missing you is better than forgetting you.

Missing you is what reminds me that i can still feel--that i can still love.

And if you think my silence means that i forgot about you--then you're wrong. I just stopped trying to work the things with us. Because when i stopped talking to you, it doesn't mean i already stop loving you.

This 2019, however, will be different. I won't just stop messaging you; but, i will start trying to totally forget you. For this 2019 is the start of something new, and I don't want to not miss you at all.



PS I still have a Passion Project to narrate our untold love story so that i can fully start forgetting you. Hello, readers (if ever i have one huhu), just one more entry about him, umay na umay na ako e :)


♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Untitled poem way back 2012

Honestly, I don't remember why I wrote this poem, nor who was that friend I was referring to... but here it is, folks :D

Last night, I was not myself
I felt down, and I needed help,
But I was alone, no one to hold
I was stoned, I must stay cold.

I wish i didn't look at you
It made me want to get through
I had to escape, or else I'd melt
It was too late, your arms, I felt.

I wish you didn't hold me close,
and warmed me as my tears flowed
No longer stoned, i was human again
No longer alone, i was with a friend.

These wishes aren't granted yet
But honestly, i have no regrets;
It's funny what a hug can do
For a moment, i have loved you.

So, friends, please huuug me when you see me. No one hugs me these days *saaaad*


Timestamp in my notebook:
August 5, 2012 :)


♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥