Tonight, I can write the saddest lines.

"Kamusta ka na?"

This is our common greeting every time months passed that we haven't talked to each other. A conversation starter that sometimes lasts for hours, or even days. But, today was different. The line we, or maybe just I, usually look forward to reading in my chatbox became the saddest line to be told.

I don't know how to start this narration for I am lost for words at the moment. I really couldn't understand myself especially this feeling I have right now. But one thing I know, I just don't want regrets in my life.

Before I actually came here, I was aware of the possibility of really not having a chance to be with you. I know for a fact that I don't know what I am doing with my life so I might as well don't act upon this feeling I have for you. I actually don't know exactly what is this feeling for I am afraid to hurt you if I figured myself that I don't actually like you. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose a friend that stays in the end.

But here it is--you told me things. I was feeling okay at that time especially when you told me what you did that was so ironic to your values--to my values. It was my usual self-righteous persona that tells people their deeds are not right and make them realize their wrongness. It will always be like this, I think, no matter who the person I am talking to, even if it isn't you. But then, when things sank into me,  I began to wonder, was that the right thing to do? Just to let everything happens without doing anything.

So here it is now. I still don't know what to say but I want to try to utter words just to hear me out. This might be the last chance I have for you to reach my words so I want to do it even though it's hard. Truth to be told, I was really feeling okay that time, I was just so disappointed to you because I knew you were so different from any other guys I know, but then, like any other else, you were the same. Hours passed, still shocked; I was just doing my daily routine, then it came to me, "oh wait, why am I feeling a bit hurt?" It hit me. It will never be the same again.

The reason why I don't want to say anything regarding my feelings towards you is because I, too, am not sure about that. I don't know if I am just in love with the idea of love and you are just there who are always by my side when I need you the most. I am also afraid that "us" will not work if we pursue the idea of being together provided that we don't have the chance to meet in person. More importantly, I am afraid of the thought that maybe I would be using you as a rebound just to forget the pain my ex inflicted me. You don't deserve that; you're too kind to get hurt. You were too precious for me, and I didn't want to play with your heart, might as well risk our stable friendship. Those were my thoughts on why I was holding back.

And now I don't know what to say. Hahaha. Too bad I'm lost with words were in fact words were flooding me before I decided to write these thoughts. But somehow, writing these here is my serenity. That I got to be honest with myself once more, and the next right thing to do is be honest with you too. I don't blame you for doing that or falling for other girls (except the fact that what you guys did were wrong). I mean I could fully-fledged support your happiness if it starts with the right process and correct manner. I really am rooting for your happiness, and I understand that proximity matters in relationships. I also don't know if you feel the same way towards me, but, maybe, just to console my soul for having another regret in my life, I just want to be honest with you. So brace yourself~ I don't love you yet, but I like your soul. It is always like that. And if we are really not meant to be, then it is fine for me. I just wish you happiness in life.

You know what, I was looking forward to our Japan trip next year. I had plans to actually confess these things to you. Actually, I would like to say these to you way before our first meeting last April, but then I was just afraid that I would be the one to break my promise knowing I had a major transition in my life. Maybe, I would meet someone and because of vulnerability and homesickness, I would lie to you and break your heart. And I wasn't really sure of what I feel that time. I know I am loyal and I would not find another guy when I am in a committed relationship but who knows what happens--that's what I thought. I don't want to disprove myself. Then again, it resurfaced. I planned to gift myself a peace of mind and confess everything to you on my birthday, unfortunately, I was really sad that time, my visa got postponed and I didn't want to add another problem in my mind. August came, some people were chatting with me and asking for my whereabouts, that was when you stopped messaging me. I promise myself never ever to bother you again. I thought, "how come other people are worried about me, but then, you who know what my real situation is, never ever bother to ask if I'm doing okay." I convinced myself, maybe I wasn't sure about my feelings for you, so I would just let it pass until it becomes a mere memory.

If you're wondering why I am saying this to you now, I don't know too. It is not like I want you to think of it or make it harder for you. I also don't want an answer for I am not asking you--I just want you to hear me out. Maybe, I just thought, even if  I don't say these words to you, if you pursue that girl and become committed to her, I will still distance myself from you. That's who I am. I just don't like to meddle with people, and if I do that, it will still not be the same. So, saying these to you now or keeping these thoughts will just have the same effect I think. You are so oblivious too, giving signs won't do good for you, things should be spelled out just for you to get the message, right? Also, I said to myself before, if there's a good chance to say these things to you, I would grab that for I just want to put an end with these. I just don't like hanging with a dead tree. I want to move forward.

But don't worry, since I already said this (hopefully), eventually, it will get better. Just give me time to heal. It's not even deep like the scars I had before. Mani lang 'to compared to the tears I shed for my last failed love. I hope we could stay friends. I just need this in order to eliminate what if in my life. And I promise you that I will still message you if I cannot handle my thoughts anymore. Please don't ignore me. :)



♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

An indepedent life, they say.

It has been weeks since I arrived here. I am, now, here living abroad. More so, I will be working here, hopefully, when I pass the medical examination. I already signed the employment contract and just waiting for my first day of work and my working visa. I hope everything will be okay, especially the result of my medical which kind of stressing me lately. I am doing well really, except for the fact that sometimes, I miss the people I left in the Philippines.

Why did I go here? It started with the thought of moving on. To move forward without a memory of you, a place where it has no fragment of your presence. Here I am now, surviving my daily life here alone, but, still remembering you. Every meal I cook and the idle time when watching movies remind me of how I spent my life with you before. I am now happy living independently, but deep down in my heart, I wish I have someone to spend my life with--like how I spent my weekends at your home. I would be willing to cook him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I would be willing to hug him tight when the night's so cold. I would love to wrap him with my body and shower him with kisses while watching our favorite shows on Netflix. I would send him goodbye kisses whenever he leaves for work. When walking in a park, I would happily hold his hands, swinging, while strolling new places I haven't been before, talking about random things. Together, he and I would explore the city, and when we got tired, we would be sitting on a bench, hands still clasped together, while looking with each other smiling genuinely. We would exchange stories, laugh at them, then look at the stars. Oh, how sweet of me being a hopeless romantic.

What is my heart's desire? I ask myself wanting to be vulnerably honest. Truly, I really want to build a career here, but more importantly, I want to find him already. I am not into rushing things but I am ready to know someone deeply. I am trying to connect with people but I cannot seem to find him--I don't feel any special connection. It isn't right but I long for the magic I felt when I met you, the strange tingling sensation in my heart. I want that feeling. I really want to feel that again.

I'm living independently now. I am away from all the distractions. I downloaded all my reviewers for my Industrial Engineering Masters admission and eager to stick with the plan. I also told myself not to be bothered with the past and its encompassing memories. Unfortunately, it's hard to admit though, that I am still trapped from the leftovers of your remembrance. I hope I could completely forget you. I am longing for someone who will constantly be here with me. I am not lonely, I know how to take care of myself, but sometimes, I miss the feeling of someone's taking care of me.

Moreover, I already gave up on the idea of being with my friend. He hasn't done anything, more so to exert effort in asking my whereabouts and if I am doing okay here. I am tired of waiting for him to make his mind and have the courage to ask me out. I'm thinking, maybe, he really doesn't like me at all for if he really wants me, he'll do something about the distance. I am willing to take risks for him--I can conquer my trust issue, risk the long-distance relationship, or even go and fly to be with him. I just want him to make the first move, be assertive, and fight for me. But no move has been taken up to date. I hate waiting. I am tired of waiting for him.

If ever there might have a chance, I would confess to him already, to draw a line and put an endpoint. I just don't like what-ifs in my life and I consider him my major self-condemnation if I just let the destiny dictates our fate. I don't want to regret anything in life, especially the fact that I didn't say what my heart wants to tell.

To wrap it up, living abroad makes your perspective broader. You will be proud of yourself and feel so courageous that you took a big leap of faith and went beyond your comfort zone. Somewhat, I don't regret being here. Currently, I have so much free time until my work starts so I want to use it to introspect and contemplate what I really want in life and how to live with it to the fullest. As a result, the first thing I realized is how I was madly in love with the idea of love and how I am fascinated with the thought of having a lifetime companion. I want someone to consider my home and I am not ashamed of that fact, cheesy or corny if you would label me. I also want career progression and growth, but more importantly, I love the idea of waking next to someone I love, and I want to take care of him and to be taken care of by him. I hope I'll meet him soon for I am excited to share my thoughts with this special person.

Furthermore, I also want to share the two things I've learned this year (to which I've read somewhere but still relevant at the moment):

"Transitions are scary, but necessary if you want to move forward. "

 Also, 

"There is always a breakthrough for every breakdown. Always."

For all the hopeless romantic who is happily living independently but fearless enough to admit that they will be happier when someone's sharing these precious moments with him/her, cheers! Hope we find our better half soon~

Let us all survive but embrace this waiting time, eventually, we will get there, someday. One day.

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Maybe, this is the saddest birthday i will ever have

Maybe, this is the saddest birthday I will ever have. I am away from my family and friends whom I love and cherish. Everything is uncertain--I can only just hope for the best. Maybe, this decision is abrupt, but that doesn't mean it isn't right. I just don't know what will happen in my future and I hope that this leap of faith will make a big difference in my life.

Hope you'll become stronger, Banunay. Just please fight your inner demons. Throw your worries and fears.

I know you can make it so stop crying right now.

A big huuuuuuug for you to sustain the remaining time of being alone. >:)<


♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

I hope I made you proud!

Hey, it's me! The one you pushed to become better.

I still remember the night when that dream was born. It was all thanks to you who encouraged me to push my luck and enrolled in graduate school. I still vividly recall, inside the four corners of McDonald's Bonifacio Global City, how we discussed ideas, how we got so excited over our big dreams; and how we shared our plans with each other as well as our worries and fears. You were not just my lover back then, but the greatest supporter and the best cheerleader of my life.

Here I am today. I already reached the goal you helped me started to build.  Last Sunday, I graduated and received my Diploma I pursued, and now, I'm off to greater things--excited to take another adventure. Yes, I am still the same me you knew, aiming for noble ambitious things. But more importantly, I am still me who get things done even without you. Yes, I did it without you!  You've made me stronger by breaking my heart, like what Mareng Regine sings. It is true that nothing can really define the pain I felt when you left me, but because of your abandonment, I discovered the lesson I wouldn't know today if that didn't happen: I can do it myself--with or without you.

Thank you for believing in me way back then. It was because of your trust in my ability that I trusted myself and tried to dream big. It was because of your love that I learned to love myself little by little. It was because of your words that pushed me to who I am today. It was because of the world you made me see that I want to succeed in life. It was because of you.

And today, I can finally say that it is not because of you but for the people who stayed with me during the crucial moments of my life--my family who never asked me what happened, the friends who were there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, and the people who never get tired to listen to my never-ending stories again and again. This Sablay is because of them, for they are the reason why I am still here, alive, and breathing.

Furthermore, this milestone is not at all for you anymore, but more importantly, for myself! Although you were the reason I started this, but you were also the reason why I didn't want this anymore. Yes, it is all because of myself that the dream I once had is now a reality. The credit is mine for being so strong to keep going when everything seems so dark and endless. It is because of my understanding with the need of thyself that allowed me to take a break and stopped being too hard in life. Thus, I really can attest to the effectiveness of the saying, "you don't need to quit, you just need to take a rest/ di mo naman kailangang sumuko, kailangan mo lang magpahinga". I took a pause, went LOA, got INC grade, cried when couldn't hold back my tears--but I didn't quit. I never quit. I thought of ending my life back then but halted myself from ending things. I tried everything to become okay when it really was not okay. Because I needed to force thyself to stop loving you anymore that I learned to love myself a little more.

Look where I am now. I can honestly say, thank you. I can finally say that I am really moving forward with my life--that I am so grateful that I met you and the chapter you once were was already been replaced by a new one.

Thank you for letting me go. This time, I want to see you again and proudly say, this achievement was then because of you, and yet, I did it without you. I hope I made you proud <3


 (c) Gab  Loste

And also, I will be forever grateful to my beautiful school, University of the Philippines Diliman. It was because of UP that I met you <3 Thanks for the memories I will treasure for the rest of my life :)

Padayon, Graduates of 2019!

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

A month to go 'till the major change in my life!

Hello, Awesome!

A month to go before the major shift in my life. Am i ready? No. Am I really sure? No. What will happen next? I don't know. All I have is a little courage, bravery, and hope that everything will be alright in the end.

I decided this commitment last year when I was in pain because we parted ways. I know, that wasn't a really good time to make decisions in life but I already agreed with a friend to go abroad and work there for years.

Time flies, only a month to go before The Day. Do I regret making such a decision? Sometimes. But hey, there is no turning back. Although I am a bit hesitant and afraid, I will be making this big leap of faith. I'm ready to see the other side of the world. Challenge accepted. I just hope I wouldn't regret this so much. Maybe, I will just charge it as a learning experience and ticking off an item to my bucket list.

Moreover, please wish me luck. I will be happy if you also include me in your prayers. This ambitious girl is a month away to take off and leave the Philippines! Let's meet please :D

But before that, I need to claim my graduation picture (yes I will graduate this June finally!) Thanks self for always believing and pushing yourself to limits! <3

Furthermore, because this is a happy post, let me list down all my plans in life to immortalize my wishful thinking. This post will be served as a memento for this hopeful self and remind me in the future that I have so many items need to accomplish and tick off my bucket list ☑.

Wish me luck, punduck! :)

My next targets (i know these will take years but why noooot, poknat)
☑Work abroad (August 2019)
☐ Licensed Organizational Psychologist
☐ A Professor in University
☐ Pursue Industrial Engineering
☐ Become Corporate Statistician
☐ Master Excel and Macro Function
☐ Master in Labor Relations / Human Resources Track
☐ Manager abroad
☑ Fall in love again (October 2019)
☐ Be engaged to someone I love
☐ Get married
☐ Have my own children
☐ Buy a house and make it my home <3
☐ Retirement funds
☐ Take care of pets (dogs and cats)
☑ Own a coffee shop
☐ Pursue passion in photography
☐ Give back to parents
☐ Visit Visayas
☐ Visit Mindanao
☑ Explore Taiwan (July 20-26, 2019)
☐ Explore Japan
☐ Explore South Korea
☐ Explore Thailand
☐ Explore Australia
☐ Explore Russia
☐ Explore Moscow
☐ Explore Myanmar
☐ Explore New Zealand
☐ Explore Europe
☐ Go to USA
☑ Receive a sunflower or yellow-orange roses bouquet
☐ Climb Mt. Apo
☐  Volunteer in Alay ni Ignacio

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

How I Still Haven't Met Your Father

“Sometimes we don’t get second chances. Sometimes things just end.”
(Colleen Hoover, Confess)
artwork by instagram.com/artbaby.r

Should I say it, should I not? I am afraid we'll never meet at one point. We are both afraid to try. Or maybe, I am not being honest in the first place.

And maybe what The Mother from How I Met Your Mother said was right. "I think I have been holding myself back from falling in love again." I'm starting to think everyone has a chance to meet the one--that each of us only gets one. In my case, I already met him and lost him. So, maybe, I'll never gonna find anyone again for I already consumed my chance.

Maybe not, but maybe yes. I am afraid to validate it. So, please, someone, help me forget. I want to trust in love again.

♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Ang Langit Ng Kahapon

It's so funny how so many things happened but things didn't really change. I'm still that little girl who's obsessed with time machine, and stars. I still like anime but not as much as i was so crazy before. I wrote this Hula ng Klase nine years ago because our Filipino teacher required as to create a narrative on how we picture our classmates ten years later. Funny how time flies so fast, without realizing, there is only a year left to see how accurate the forecast to everyone. And here what it goes...

I
Twinkle, twinkle, little stars
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky...

Nakatingin ako sa kalawakan ng gabi. Tinitingala ang mga tala sa langit. Kaparehas ito ng mga tala noong gabing iyon. Isang gabi ng paghihiwalay at bukas ay akin na itong babalikan.

Tinalikuran ko na ang pagsusulat ng mga anime at ipinasa ko na ang posisyon ko bilang presidente ng Mikan’s Production kay (1)Miriam Molino dahil alam ko namang hindi niya pababayaan ang kumpanyang aming itinatag mga tatlong taon na rin ang nakalilipas. Isa pa, libangan ko lang ang pagiging “mangaka” at nais kong matutukan ang paggawa ko ng time machine.

Maayos ko namang naisaayos ang inimbento kong time machine. Nakamura pa nga ako sa pagbili ng mga “spare parts” at mga gamit sa paggawa nito dahil na rin sa mga “discounts” na ibinigay ni (2)Rico Vivero, ang kaklase kong dati-rati’y tahimik ngunit ngayo’y may-ari na ng isang hardware at department store na kilala sa buong Pilipinas, ang Ca-Ric’s Hardware.

Siya nga pala, Ca-ric’s Hardware ang pangalan ng mala-“SM Department Store” niyang negosyo. Ipinangalan niya iyon sa pamamagitan ng pagsasama ng pangalan niya at kay (3)Mega-Star Carla Marie Nepomuceno, ang babaeng unang nagpatibok ng kanyang puso mula pa noong kami’y nasa hayskul. Sa kasamaang palad, hindi sila nagkatuluyan dahil sa napikot si Carla ng kanyang manager na si (4)Arjhie Leal at ang dating maningning na bituin ay natali na sa lalaking ito.

Labis na dinamdam ni Rico ang pagkawala ng kanyang minamahal kaya siya’y nagtangkang magpatiwakal. Tumalon siya sa pinakamataas na tulay na ginawa ni (5)Engr. Edimay Jarquio, isang tanyag na Civil Engineer na nakapangasawa ng tambay. Mahuhulog na sana siya sa tubig ngunit may humaharurot na speed boat ang sa kanya’y paparating. Ito’y pinapaandar ni (6)Maria Riza Anna Miguel at hulog ng langit, nahulog si Rico sa mabuting kamay ni Riza. Saktong-sakto ang kanyang pagkakasalo. Habang buhat ni Riza si Rico, biglang may “sparks” na naramdaman ang dalawa at ang kanilang mga mata’y kapwa nagtitigan.

Tungkol naman sa engine, ito ay aprobado na. Ipinatsek ko na ito kay (7)Engr. Cedrick M. Reyes, isang mahusay na mechanical engineer ngunit malabo ang mata dahil kahit suot na niya ang kanyang salaming may gradong 700 ay hindi pa rin makita ang limang pisong barya. Hindi nga sumagi sa isip ko na magiging katipan niya si (8)Abigail Fulgar, plain housewife, ang kaklase ko sa hayskul na kanyang katabi sa upuan, laging nagbabangayan at kapwa walang gusto sa isa’t-isa.

Si (9)Padre Noel Jalmasco naman ang katuwang ko sa pagpo-program dito sa time machine na aking naimbento. Inilagay niya ang mga programs na kailangan ko sa pagbalik sa nakaraan at ininstol na niya ang mga “data” na magagamit ko sakaling maligaw ako sa ibang time-line.

Buo na ang pasya ko. Bukas ng gabi, sa oras ding ito ay magbabalik na ako. Gamit itong time machine na pinangalanan kong Jasmine 101, hindi ko na sasayangin ang pagkakataon. Saksi ang mga tala sa langit. Saksi sila...

♥-♥-♥-♥

II
There’s no permanent in this world
except changes

Taong 2020 na ngayon. Modernisado, industriyalisado at globalisado na ang bansa. Marami na rin ang nagbago: mga kalye, bahay, gusali, hilig ng tao, kanilang ugali, paniniwala at mga pagmumukha nito. Marami na rin ang mga bago: technology, gadgets, robots, anime, bansa, wika, hair style, fashion trend, mga damit, mga sapatos at marami pang iba.

Hindi na bago sa mga mamamayan sa Miliminas (dating Pilipinas) ang pag-aaborsyon. Wala na sa bukabularyo ng mga Milimino (dating mga Pilipino) ang eleksyon. Simula noong umupo sa pwesto si (10)President Olive Grace Abuid Esmilla ay hindi na niya pinahintulutan ito.

Si Dating Presidente Noynoy ang nanalo sa eleksyon noong 2010. Sa panahong iyon, nawala ang kurapsyong umiikot sa Pilipinas. Nawala ang mga malalaking buwis na ipinapataw sa mahihirap at dahil doon, hindi nabayaran ang mga utang ng bansa.

Pagkatapos gumradweyt ni Pres. Olive sa kursong Political Science noong 2015, siya’y pumasok sa pulitika. Nagtuloy-tuloy ang kanyang swerte at noong 2017, dahil sa mga patakaran, pribilehiyo, at mga batas na kanyang isinulong, nanalo siya sa pagkapangulo ng bansa at napatalsik ang kawawang si Noynoy.

Labis siyang naligayahan sa akdang “Miliminas” na aming nabasa noong kami’y nasa ikaapat na taon sa hayskul mga sampung taon na ang nakararaan. Dinagdagan pa ng pagnanasa niyang gawin sa Pilipinas ang nangyari sa Miliminas nang mabasa niya ang sequel ng akdang Miliminas na gawa ni (11)Raymundo Laddaran, isang abang manunulat, makata, composer at dancer na kilala hindi lamang dito ngunit tanyag sa buong kalawakan.

Dala ng umaapoy na pagnanasang maisakatuparan ang mga balak, kasama ang kanyang abogadong si (12)Atty. Nanette Ann Doroja, ipinatupad ni Pres. Olive ang batas na “Democratic Wafackles” kung saan tinawag niya itong “Unang Hakbang”.

Sa batas “Democratic Wafackles,” ang mga mamamayan ng bansa ay may boses na salungatin ang pamahalaan. Maaari nilang sabihin ang kanilang mga saloobin. Malaya nilang gawin ang kanilang mga gusto. Hindi sila maaaring pakialaman ng gobyerno ngunit hindi rin nila maaaring pakialaman ang pangulo ng bansa. Ito ang naging dahilan kung bakit hindi na nila maaaring paalisin sa pwesto ang naturang presidente.

Nangyari ang mga kinatatakutan. Dahil sa batas na naipatupad, ang dating Pilipinas ay naging Miliminas na nga. May mga natuwa ngunit may nagpakita ng pagkamakabayan. Tila muling nabuhay si Simoun, Basilio at Isagani nang mga panahong iyon.

Maraming nag-aklas sa naturang batas. Mga kabuteng nagsulputan ang mga aktibistang sila (13)Rachel Emeterio, (14)Carol Sagun, (15)John Paul Seda at marami pang iba. Nagpakita sila ng husay subalit hindi nakayanan ni Rachel ang pakikibaka dahil siya’y nagkaroon ng malubhang sakit na humantong sa pagiging retarded.

Si Carol naman na noo’y Fashion Model sa Holliwood ay nawalan ng trabaho dahil na rin impluwensiya ni Pres. Olive. Siya’y nag-“hired” ng isang secret agent sa CSI na si (16)Karla Louise N. Cid upang ipapatay ang modelo. Nagtagumpay naman siya sa kanyang balak. Dahil sa pangyayaring iyon, binigyan niya ng tatlong milyong mik, pera sa Miliminas, si Agent KL Cid bilang pabuya sa magandang trabaho.

Isinulong ni John Paul ang demokrasya at katarungan sa bansa kasama ang kanyang napakahusay na abogadong si (17)Atty. Joshell Tuliao. Nasa likod naman at nakaagapay ang kanyang magandang maybahay na si (18)Venus Sediaco Seda na malapit kong kaibigan mula pa noon. Sa ngayon, ipinaglalaban pa rin nila ang katarungan upang ang Miliminas ay magwakas na at tuluyan ng yumuko bilang isang Pilipinas.

♥-♥-♥-♥

III
“Revenge is the greatest aphrodisiac.”

Si President Olive ay isa sa aking mga kamag-aral noon. Laging paksa ng mga bulung-bulungan at laging niloloko. Isang araw, noong malapit na kaming magtapos ng hayskul ay may nangyaring kagimbal-gimbal. Pinatid siya ni (19)Jemmel J. Vale sa paa at tuluyang nadapa. Sa kanyang pagkakadapa ay hindi sinasadyang siya’y nabagok sa ulo at nang gumaling, siya’y naging isang henyo. Natauhan siya sa mga pinaggagagawa ng aming mga kaklase at nangakong maghihiganti siya balang araw.

Totoo nga ang kanyang ipinangako. Siya’y umunlad, yumaman at naghiganti. Binalikan niya ang mga taong nagyurak sa kanyang pagkatao at kasama na roon si Jemmel.

Hindi na nakapagtapos pa ng pag-aaral si Jemmel dahil sa panglaw na namamayani sa isip at puso niya. Natatakot siya kay Pres. Olive. Pinagsisisihan niya ang kanyang ginawa rito. Nagtago siya sa dilim at nilimot ang liwanag. Tinigilan na niya ang pagsusungit sa mga tao at hindi na muling nakihalubilo sa mga ito.

Nagbago na nga si Jemmel. Namayat siya at naging buto-buto. Wala na siyang makilalang tao kahit pa ang kanyang idolong si Kim Chiu. Sa pagdaan ng panahon, mas lalo siyang nagmukhang tingting at nahigitan pa ang pinakamapayat na tao sa balat ng mundo. Nagdaan pa ang ilang araw, tinanghal na siya bilang “World’s Thiniest Person” ng Guiness Book of Record.

♥-♥-♥-♥

IV
“If there is smoke
There is fire”
-Arabian Proverb

Labis na kinatuwa ni Pres. Olive ang nangyari kay Jemmel. Siya’y nagdaos ng isang piging upang ipagdiwang ang kanyang paghihiganti. Inimbitahan niya lahat ng kilalang tao tulad nila (20)Jewel Tapar, may-ari ng CookieLove♥ na isang chocolate factory, (21)Angelwin Advincula, tanyag na madre na tumutulong sa mga mahihirap at nagbibigay ng himala, (22)Marfy Felonia, translator ni Obama III na napangasawa ni (23)Jessa Erica Mores, isang babaeng militar na nakipaglaban sa gera noong 2014, at marami pang iba kasama na rin ako.

Sa dinami-rami ng kanyang inimbitahan ay walang nagsipuntahan sa magarbong pagdiriwang na iyon. Umalis siya sa kanyang kinatatayuan at dali-daling nilisan ang gusali. Nagtataka naman ang kanyang sekretaryang kaklase rin namin dati, si (24)Gilrlie Umerez, kung bakit siya tumakbo.

Sa kanyang pagmamadali ay natabig niya si (25)SPO1 Jonalyn Siso, isang matinong pulis na hindi nangongotong.

“Nagmamadali ako, ano ba! Huwag ka ngang pakialamera!”

“Wala kang galang ah! Wala ka yatang modo eh!” Tugon ng pulis.

Galit na galit na na sinigawan ni Pres. Olive ang pulis na ikinainis naman nito. Maya-maya’y pinosasan ni SPO1 Siso si Pres. Olive.

Nakita iyon ni (26)Adrian Arvin Esmilla, kaklase kong naging isang taxi driver. Tinulungan niya si Pres. Olive na makaalis sa pagkakaposas.

Humanga ng labis si Pres. Olive sa kanya at tila na love at first sight. Ilang sandali pa’y dumating na ang kanyang mga bodyguard. Kabilang sa mga ito ay si (27)Alvin Jan Santos, isa na sanang mahusay na chef kung hindi dahil sa nangyari kay Jemmel, kaya nawalan siya ng pagkakataong makasama si Adrian.

“Buti nga sa kanya! Hindi niya ba ‘ko nakikilala?”

Dinakip si SPO1 Siso at nakulong matapos ang pangyayaring iyon at dahil din dito kaya niya nakilala ang lalaking magpapatibok ng kanyang umaalab at naghihiganting puso.

“Oh! Love is in the Air.”

♥-♥-♥-♥

V
Happiness can never be found
Until we have the grace to stop looking for it.

Masama man at mapaghiganti si Pres. Olive, tao pa rin siya na kailangang mahalin at mabigyan ng ispesyal na atensyon.

Masyadong obsess si Pres. Olive sa pagmamahal. Gusto niya ng isang taong makaiintindi sa kanya. Isang taong magmamahal sa kanya kahit na hindi siya isang perpekto. Nais niyang maramdaman ang init ng pag-ibig at makadama man lamang ng kaligayahan.

Naging henyo nga si Pres. Olive ngunit hindi naman niya nakuha ang kasiyahan. Ganoon pa rin siya. Walang pinagbago liban sa siya’y tumalino. Naghahanap pa rin siya ng kalinga ng tunay na pagmamahal. Sinong makapagbibigay? Walang nakakaalam, wala.

Inggit na inggit si Pres. Olive kay (28)Engr. Kooji at (29)Jennalyn Motegi dahil sa matinding pagmamahalang nangingibabaw sa dalawa. Sila ang aming mga kaklase na ngayo’y masayang hinaharap ang buhay. Si Jennalyn ay napangasawa ng long time boyfriend niyang si Kooji na isa nang Computer Engineer.

Si Jennalyn naman ay isa ng sikat na singer sa bar. Part-time job din niya ang pagiging editor. Kaya nga ng siya’y mabuntis at malapit nang manganak,ay kumuha siya ng maternity leave sa kumpanya ni (30)Jasmine Saro na kanyang pinagtatrabahuan upang hindi masayang ang kanyang magandang trabaho.

Ang ipinagbubuntis ni Jennalyn ay pangalawa na nilang anak. Bagamat nagloko si Kooji bago sila ikasal at nagkaroon ng anak kay (31)Gail Abanes na ngayo’y asawa na rin ni (32)Eric Abaroa, isang mala-“Da Vinci” na pintor sa husay, ay pinatunayan naman niya na siya’y magbabago. Tinanggap namang muli ni Jennalyn si Kooji at pinagpatuloy ang buhay.

Maraming pinagtanungan si Pres. Olive kung paano niya malalaman kung sino ang nakatadhana sa kanya. Kinausap na niya ang kaibigang si (33)Gileen Demapendan, ang Miss World 2016, ngunit wala siyang nakuhang impormasyon ukol dito.

Upang mahanap ni Pres. Olive ang kanyang “the one”, siya’y lumapit sa kaklase naming manghuhula, si (34)Maribeth Montimor. Tanyag si Maribeth sa larangan ng astronomiya at mga zodiac. Dahil sa matinding nangyari sa kanya noong hayskul nang makasalamuha niya ang isang manghuhula at siya’y pinagbintangan, nagkaroon siya ng pagnanasang malaman at maging isa katulad nila.

Sinabi ni Madam Maribeth na ang lalaking para sa kanya ay isang driver na magsasagip sa kanya sa kapamahakan.

Tumayo bigla si Pres. Olive at naiturang, “Thank God, I found him.”

♥-♥-♥-♥

VI
Torn between two lovers
Sharing with a fool...

Tuluyan na ngang nahumaling sa alindog ni Adrian si Pres. Olive. Para sa kanya, ang tinutukoy ng manghuhula ay si Adrian at wala ng iba. Gagawin niya ang lahat makuha lamang ang iniibig. Ang problema nga lang, si Adrian ay mayroon nang sinisinta at hindi siya iyon.

Si (35)Claire Czerny Reyes na aming kaklase noong hayskul ay pumayat na. Natapos niya ang kolehiyo at ngayo’y isa ng nutritionist. Alam na niya ang mga pagkaing masusustansiya at pagkaing matataba. Isa na siyang babaeng tila rosas sa kagandahan at ang babae ring sumungkit sa damdamin ni Adrian.

Mahal ni Adrian si Claire simula pa noong kami’y nasa hayskul ngunit hindi niya ito maipagtapat dahil ang gusto ni Claire ay si Noel. Subalit ng maging pari si Noel ay tuluyan ng nahimlay ang pag-ibig niya rito at nagising ang damdamin na para kay Adrian.

Nalulong sa pagdo-DOTA si Adrian. Napg-iwanan na siya ng aming mga kaklase na kaparehas niya’y mahilig din sa DOTA. Hindi siya nakatapos ng pag-aaral. Nawalan na ng direksyon ang buhay niya ngunit ito’y naisaayos muli ni Claire.

Walang pakialam si Claire kahit na isang taxi driver lang si Adrian. Para sa kanya, ang propesyon ay walang kinalaman sa pagmamahalan ng dalawang tao. Tumagal naman ang kanilang relasyon hanggang sa nakilala ni Pres. Olive si Adrian.

Pinaghiwalay ni Pres. Olive sina Adrian at Claire. Kinuntiyaba niya ang mga magulang ni Claire na ipakasala ito kay (36)Francis Miranda, isang tycoon at may ari ng multinasyunal na korporasyon.

Dahil sa gumanda na nga si Claire ay pumayag rin naman si Francis. Ang dati naming kaklase na pihikan sa babae ay magpapakasal na. Maraming nagulat sa balitang ito lalong lalo na si (37)Maica Jhonalyn Morelos, ang dating katipan ni Francis na isa na ngayong accountant sa Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas.

Labis itong dinamdam ni Adrian. Tinawagan niya ang kanyang kabatak na si (38)Mngr. Rene Diolata ngunit walang sumasagot sa telepono nito. Marami na kasing ginagawa si Mngr. Rene at kailangan pa niyang pataasin ang “stocks” ng kanyang kumpanya. Naiintindihan naman iyon ni Adrian kaya nag-iwan na lamang siya ng mensahe sa asawa nitong si (39)Carmela Celeridad na isang tanyag na manicurista.

Sinamantala ito ni Pres. Olive upang makuha ang loob ni Adrian. Kinailangan pa ni Adrian ng isang psychologist upang makayanan ang kalungkutan. Tinawagan niya si (40)Nicaflor Salvo upang pagalingin si Adrian at dahil nga sa magkakaklase kami ay mabilis na pinaunlakan ni Nica ang kahilingan ng presidente.

Gumaling si Adrian. Unti-unting niyang natutunang pahalagahan si Pres. Olive at noong July 25, 2017, sila’y nag-isang dibdib sa araw din ng aking kaarawan.

♥-♥-♥-♥

VII
It has never been a question of who forgets
But sometimes, there’s a definite
Pain on being the only one who remembers everything.

Nakatingala pa rin ako sa langit. Sinusulyapan ang mga talang nangniningning. Isang liwanag na nagbibigay ng kasiyahan sa tulad ko.

Nami-miss ko na ang mga kaibigan ko. Nasaan na kaya sila. Nasaan na kaya siya?

Si (41)Maritoni Mabalhin ay isa na ngayong artista at malapit nang magpakasal (42)kay Eric Conde, gitarista sa isang banda. Nakita ko sila kamakailan lang kasama si (43)Marjorie Ann Ramores na modelo na ng mga robots. Naghiwalay na nga sila ni Axl na labis na niyang ikinalungkot. Naalala ko tuloy ang nakaraan. Parang kailan lamang ay tinatawag ko pa silang “daddy” at “mommy” noong masa hayskul pa ako. Nakakahinayang ang kanilang pinagsamahan.

Si (44)Aileen Tolosa naman ay nasa Korea na. Haay! Natupad ang kanyang pangarap na makita si Jun Pyo. Tahimik na silang namumuhay ni Tamayo sa Korea kung saan sila’y nagtitinda ng Sushi. Kahit na hindi ganoong kayaman ay nabubuhay pa rin naman sila ng maligaya.

Si ano kaya... si Geneva? Yung matalik ko raw na kaibigan. Ganoon pa rin kaya ang turing niya sa akin? Malamang hindi na. Nasaan na kaya siya? Ang huli kong balita roon ay naghiwalay na sila ni Nestor dahil ang mahal nito’y si Jerizza at nagpakalayu-layo papuntang America. Tapos siya ng Nursing kaya siguro nama’y Nurse na siya roon. Haay! Buhay pa kaya iyon? Alam niya kaya na aalis na ako, na magta-time travel ako. Sa tingin ko hindi niya alam. Hinding-hindi.

Tungkol naman kay (45)Jerizza Pepito, siya na ngayo’y naloka. Ito’y sinabi sa akin ni (46)Liezl Nieva, isang payat ngunit magandang stewardess sa Esmilla Airlines, na malapit niyang kaibigan. Sa dami-rami raw kasi ng kursong pinili ni Jerizza ay wala na siyang natapos ni isa. Sa sobrang katalinuhan niya ay nagkarambol-rambol na sa utak niya ang lahat. Dinagdagan pa ng pangungulit ni (47)Nestor Gonzales, dati kong kaklaseng matinik sa Matimatika na ngayo’y isa na lamang bus driver. Sobra kasi siyang nainlove kay Jerizza at hindi na natutukan pa ang pag-aaral. Napatunayan naman ang pagmamahal ni Nestor kay Jerizza dahil sa hindi niya iniwan ang babae kahit na ito’y isa nang kulang-kulang. Tunay ngang may pag-ibig at masuwerte si Jerizza dahil pinagkalooban siya nito.

“Swhhhhng!” May bulalakaw akong nakita. Uhmm.. ang wish ko, sana maging mabuti ang gagawin ko bukas. Walang maging problema para matapos na ang lahat. Babalik ako sa nakaraan upang maitama ang mali.

Nasaan ka na ba kasi? Kailangan kita ngayon. Kailangang kailangan.

♥-♥-♥-♥

VIII
If you have a chance to take the
moment that you know will be memorable,
grab it. Always think that the word next time is
always too far every moment counts.

“Coma” ngayon si Jemmel at ang kanyang nurse ay si (48)Nurse Jamaica C. Inocencio. Akala ko rati’y magiging maayos siya ngunit palubha ng palubha ang kanyang karamdaman. Hindi lang Anoresia ang kanyang sakit. May nadiskubreng isang virus sa katawan ni Jemmel at kailangang masulusyunan.

Si (49)Prinsesa Princess Mae Ann Abella William, isa naming kaklaseng napakasuwerte na naging Prinsesa sa Britanya dahil nakapangasawa ng isang prinsipe, ang tumulong upang maipagamot si Jemmel ngunit kahit ganoon ay hindi pa rin bumuti ang kanyang sakit.

Isang araw, habang siya’y binabantayan ni Nurse Jamaica, siya’y nanginig. Unti-unti nang kinakain ng virus ang kanyang katawan.

Nais niyang makita ang sikat na pintor sa Japan na si (50)Jhonatan Batingal. May lihim siyang pagtingin dito simula pa noon. Sikat ito sa larangan ng pagpinta ng mukha at katawan ng imahe ng babae at ang kanyang modelo ay si (51)Rizalina Teodoro, sikat na sikat na modelo at tanyag din na bold star sa Japan. Kaya nga ng may pagkakataon ay agad na kinontak siya ni (52)Nurse Karla Vince Evangelio, isang nurse rin na nagbabantay kay Jemmel.

♥-♥-♥-♥

IX
If you need someone
Just look up the sky...
Of course i’m not there!
But remember we’re just under the same sky;
I could never be too far.

Tiktilaok! Tiktilaok!

Umaga na. Hudyat na ito ng panibagong araw. Maya-maya’y lilipad na ako sa nakaraan. Babalik ako sa panahong mauumpog si Pres. Olive dahil sa pinatid siya ni Jemmel. Kailangang gawin ko ito para mailigtas si Jemmel, ako at ang buong Milimino. Kailangan ng magwakas ang kanyang kahibangan. Kailangang matuldukan ang Miliminas.

(53)Ako na ngayo’y isang inhinyero. Natapos ko ang kursong civil engineer at naipatayo ko na rin ang dream house na binuo ko sa aking isip mga sampung taon na ang nagdaan. Noo’y kasama ko si Jemmel na gumawa ng pangarap na iyan ngunit ngayo’y nasa kama siya, nakaratay. Naipatayo ko na rin ang “Barkada House” na pinagplanuhan namin lalong lalo na ang Cola Gang. Pati ang Mikan’s Production ay akin nang naipatayo sa tulong ni Miriam Molino. Ang mga magazine na kinokolekta ko ay kumpleto na ngayon. Ngunit, kailangan ko silang isuko. Kailangang umalis.

Nagpaalam na ako sa lahat, pati na kay Natsume Hyuuga. Tinawagan ko siya ngunit walang boses na lumalabas sa aking bibig. Tila bang pati ang aking mga labi’y takot magpaalam sa kanya. Ayaw ko siyang iwan ngunit kinakailangan.

Siya ngayo’y nasa Japan dahil pinag-iinitan siya ng ating pangulo. Siya ang aking napangasawa. Nakilala ko siya sa Japan sa isang Cosplay ng anime. Sa wakas, nakita ko na ang lalaking aking mamahalin ngunit kailangang ko na ring magpaalam. May misyon akong gagawin at para rin naman sa kanila yun. Sa amin. Sa akin. Sa atin.

Tiningala ko ang langit. Naghanap ng mga tala sa kaitaasan. Nasaan sila? Nasaan siya? Nasaan ang mga kaibigang dadamay sa akin. Tama. Wala sila. Ako ang aalis at hindi sila. Ako ang mang-iiwan at hindi sila.

♥-♥-♥-♥

X
Of all goodbyes, the kind which hurts
The most was the one your ears never heard but your
Heart knew it was already been said.

Engine. Tsek!
Makina. Tsek!

Maggagabi na. Lahat ay nasa maayos na katayuan. Ang mga ito’y nakahanda na at kailangan ko na ring ihanda ang sarili ko. Gagawin ko ito para sa kanila, para sa kanya, para kay Natsume Hyuuga.

Nakikita ko na ang mga tala sa langit. Handa na nga ako, babalik na ako sa nakaraan. Sa panahong iyon...

Kasama kong bumalik sa nakaraan si (54)Rochel Soria, ang kaklase kong naging isang mahusay na Historian dahil kailangan niyang pag-aralan ang nakaraan. Gusto niyang bumalik sa nakaraan upang mailathala ang mga record ng nakalipas na siglo.

“Jasmine 101 ready for take off,” sabi ng makina.

Shnnnggg. Dugudug! Shnnnnnggggg. Dugudug!

“Anong nangyayari? Anong nangyayari?”

“Mag-iingat ka. Mahal ko kayo....”

BAGOOOOMMM!!!!!

♥-♥-♥-♥

XI
Know when to let go and walk away.
If it’s dead, don’t go digging it up every 5 miutes
To check for his pulse.
It’s dead! Just walk away.

Wiyu wiyu wiyu!! Wiyu wiyu wiyu!

“Buhay pa ba sila?”

“Opo Nurse Evangelio.”

“Sige dalhin na iyan sa ER.”

“Rubdub! Rubdub!”

“Tumitibok pa po ang kanyang puso, (52)Doc. Villarta.”

“Akin na ang scissors....ang pump...ang ekstrang dugo...”

“YEHEY!”

“Ngunit paano na itong isang ito Doc. Nasa pangangalaga siya ng mga robots?”

“Nurse Evangelio, tumitibok pa ba ang kanyang puso?

“Mahinang mahina na po eh. Siya po’y nasa pangangalaga ng mga doctor robots.”

“Bakit hindi niyo siya sa akin ibinigay?”

“Naipit po ang kalahati niyang kamay sa time machine.”

“Ano? Si....si....si va...va......yan? “

♥-♥-♥-♥

XII
Don’t try to understand everything..
Because sometimes, it is not
Meant to be understood but rather to be accepted.

Hindi nagtagumpay ang dalawa sa kanilang balak na maglakbay sa oras at sila nga’y napahamak. Dinala ni (55)Jaymelyn Ferrer, isang janitress sa isang park, ang dalawa sa pinakamalapit na ospital. Nakita niya ang pagsabog ng makina at dali-dali niyang pinuntahan ang lugar ng pagsabog.

Si (56)Dra. Geneva Rose Villarta ang gumamot sa dalawa. Ang kaklase na kanyang hinahanap-hanap. Isa na itong matagumpay na Doktor at kilala sa larangan ng medisina lalong lalo na sa puso at siya, siya ang gumamot sa kanila.

Nangibang-bayan ito dahil na rin sa kasawiang natamo niya nang sila’y maghiwalay ni Nestor. Pumunta siya ng America upang mag-masteral sa titulong kanyang kinuha ngunit dahil sa nami-miss na niya ang kanyang ina ay bumalik siya rito sa tinubuang bayan.

Si Miss Karla naman ang kanyang katuwang sa panggagamot. Siya ang kanyang “personal nurse” na tanging pinagkakatiwalaan. Si Nurse Karla ang dating Karl noong hayskul pa sila. Siya’y lumadlad na at nagpasex change sa ibang bansa sa tulong na rin ni Dra. Geneva.

Nakaligtas naman si Rochell sa pagsabog sa time machine. Nagamot siya ni Dra. Geneva. Maayos na siyang namumuhay at pinagpapatuloy ang kanyang propesyon.

Maayos na lahat. Wala ng gulo. Ang kaluluwa ni Vanessa ay nakapasok sa panahong nais niyang mapuntahan. Naisaayos ang mundo, ngunit, ang katawan niya’y naipit sa magkabilang dimensyon. Ito ang dahilan ng kanyang pagkasawi.

Si Pres. Olive ay bumagsak na. Gumaling na si Jemmel at nabuhay naman si Rochell. Normal na ang lahat, wala nang mga gulo.

HINDI KO MAINTINDIHAN! Bakit? Bakit dapat mangyari ito? Ako, ako na si Natsume... ay walang nagawa? Ibinuwis niya ang buhay alang-alang sa amin, sa atin, sa akin....hindi ko maintindihan! Ganito ba ang kapalaran?? Bakit? Hindi ba’t sinabi kong poprotektahan ko siya? Nasaan ako noong mga oras na iyon? Bakit ko siya pinabayaan. Bakit ko siya pinahintulutan! Wala akong kwenta! Mahal ko siya pero wala akong nagawa! Wala ni isa.

Ngunit..kailangan ko itong tanggapin. Kailangan......

♥-♥-♥-♥

XIII
Dreams are what touches are hearts and souls.
A magical memory. The union of fantasy and reality .
The marvel of sounds and the spectacle of lights.
But dreams,
They can be reality too.

AHHH!

Umaga na pala! Nakatulog ako doon ah! Sa wakas natapos ko na ang nobela ko! Yahoo! Maari ko na itong dalhin kay Sir Mark. Haay! Siya nga pala, si Sir Mark Ryan V. Canimo yung guro namin dati sa Filipino. Hahay! Buhay nga naman, biruin niyo, amo ko na? Siya na ngayon ang may-ari ng kumpanyang Markee’s Printing .

Gustong gusto ko talaga ng pagsusulat, ang dami kong naimagine kagabi ah. Haay... nakakatamad... ah..ano ‘to?

......time machine??



 ♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Today I smile a little happier

One year ago, on March 12, 2018 to be exact, you asked me "do you still want to continue this?" I answered, why now, at 4AM, Monday, when I needed to go to work in four hours. I requested, "could we talk about it later?". You agreed that we would still talk about it when I'm not busy. Fast forward to this day, we still haven't talked. I was craving for that one conversation, and now I am tired. Who cares about the talk? I am so exhausted to wait and understand you. Moreover, I am happy now without you, really.

I am currently happy because of you, my friend. Actually, I really don't want to talk about this feeling, nor write about it here. But, I really want to preserve this moment and appreciate you. It's all because of you that is why I am slowly moving forward. Thank you for always being there, virtually,  listening to all my rants. You are one chat away, and it makes me happy that someone is there for me no matter how nonsense I may seem. It sounds cheesy as it is, but you are one of the core people in my life that I want to be there for the rest of my life.

I am still hesitant about putting my thoughts here for I am afraid that this thought might be discovered. But, maybe no one is really reading this, or who knows this site really. Furthermore, who cares, given that I am just a nobody--a girl who just wants to be honest with herself. A girl who just wants to immortalize her feelings here. Truly, I'm a little bit iffy to confess it here because I don't want anyone to know my true feelings. But, maybe, a part of me wants my voice to be heard, but actually don't want to be listened to. Or maybe, I just want to read it here years later, when I forgot everything about this feeling, and want to be reminded what was the chaos within me at this very moment. I just really am sentimental, maybe, nothing more, nothing less. I'm still a little shy admitting this feeling to myself, but, thinking out loud, writing it here is my serenity. Maybe. Or maybe not.

You know what, I really like you. I hope you feel the same way towards me. Actually, I can't read you, or maybe I'm afraid to understand your feelings. I am reluctant to validate that you don't feel the same way, or that you are really just nice to everyone including me, thus, I am not special.

I am really excited to meet you in person. My mind is imagining situations and I am nervous that these fancies won't happen. I don't really care what you look right now; I am really happy to be with you comfortably--and I pray that this meeting will not be so awkward.

I am glad that we have the same values. I have known you for seven years, more or less, and I know that you are really kind. Sometimes, I wonder, why don't we try to date and end up together. Yes, I really am afraid to love again, but if it is you, I don't have fear to risk once more. You are worth fighting, and I believe, or maybe, I trust you that no matter what, you won't hurt me intentionally.

If ever we risk, try to date, and unfortunately won't work out in the end, please don't throw our friendship away. I am happy to be friends with you forever. I want you to be my constant, be it a lover or a friend.

The thought of being awkward when that happens really scares me. You also don't say anything and I don't want to assume. As my calculus professor once said, don't assume unless otherwise stated. I do not want to get hurt again and I really value our friendship. However, it is clear to me that I am comfortable sharing my deepest thoughts with you. I can trust you among any other guys I have met. Sure enough, I don't love you yet, but I like your soul. You make me feel warm. You make me feel at ease with your words. I like your values, but I don't know if this is mutual. With that, I might as well brush off these little thoughts of mine. I don't want to lose you but I think you really deserve someone who would love you like how you cherish your loved ones. I know for a fact that I can take care of you, but if you don't want to, I won't insist, or maybe let me take care of you as your really close friend, a confidant maybe. I just wish you happiness and I am rooting for your success. I really hope you find your right one soon, and it is okay even if she isn't me. Just promise me you won't forget me when the time comes like when we had commitments before. Also, you tend to value yourself a little less. You don't seem to believe and realize how awesome you are. I want you to see what I am seeing--a determined guy full of love and affection. You are not a 'nobody' like what you think you are. You are 'somebody'--a trustworthy and a hard to find guy; and certainly, the girl you will fall in love with will be so lucky to have you.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being nice :) Please stay in my life for I need someone like you. I value you like how I value the people so dear to me.

You are worthy and loved, just letting you know.


♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Looking for Mr. and Ms. Right

I attended The Feast Ortigas Galleria-Monday and I realized how much blessing in disguise to break up and part ways with a partner who doesn't see your worth.

Yes, I maybe am lonely right now but it seems much lonelier to be with someone who makes you feel you're not enough, that you aren't lovable, that you're just a piece of trash; who makes you feel so insecure about yourself, that you're not worth loving for.

It is better, I tell you, to remain single than be with the wrong person forever.

Do not settle for less. Do not let go of your values. Fall in love, not with someone who only sees your physical beauty but be with someone who sees the charm within your body, the gloriousness beyond what the eyes can see, the goodness in your life, the genuineness of your soul, and the kindness in your heart.

Many times, we create our problems, and one of those is being in a hurry. Let your wounds heal. Wait for the right timing. And while waiting, make a wish list. Dream big. Set standards. There is nothing wrong with leveraging and being meticulous in choosing your life partner. Don't settle just because you're lonely.

While you wait, work on yourself. Work hard! Prioritize yourself! Do things you love. Look for your passion/s and aspirations. Know yourself better. Be in love with yourself and your life. Learn that while you're searching for the right partner, be the right partner first.

While you wait, enjoy the journey. Enjoy the learnings and cherish the people you meet along the way. Sometimes, the problem is we focus on the blessing but not the blesser. We focus on the goal but disregarding the adventures we had while pursuing it.

Lastly, wait for the right one to come.

Why worry? When there are so many people who love you, you just need to reorient yourself.

Is God making you wait, or are you just in a hurry?


♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Tula ng Pusong Lumuluha

Ang poot at hapdi na dala ng ala-ala
Sumulpot nang bigla; wala man lang paalala.
Ang lugar kung saan una mo 'kong pinakilala
Ay siyang eksatong lugar kung saan mo siya dinala.

Iniibig kita, buong-buo, 'king sinta
Mula nang magsama; hanggang ngayong ika'y wala na
Pinagpalit sa iba, sa mga kaibigan ay sinama,
Habang ako'y naririto, sa sulok, nalulumbay, nagiisa.

Himutok sa dibdib ay naguumapaw
Sa litratong nasilayan, puso'y parang pumapanaw.
Tanggapin ay 'di gusto, katotohana'y may kaagaw
Libo-libong panalangin; walang silbing bulalakaw.

Naalala mo pa kaya ako?
Tulad ng pagsasabuhay ko sa lahat ng ala-ala mo
Nadarama mo rin ba ito?
Pait na dala nang ako'y iniwan mo.

Sa iba pang paboritong lugar, siya ba'y dinala mo na?
Kung saan tayo bumuo ng masasayang pagsasama
Habang naglalakad, magkahawak mga kamay
Sa gabing madilim, mga kiligang nakamamatay.

Unti-unti, bakas ko ay pinapalitan mo
Kasama sa halakhakan, hindi ako, ngunit ang bago;
Kailangang tumigil na ang nagdaramdam kong puso
Palayain nang tuluyan ang siyang dapat gawin ko.


♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥

Here's to the journeys of highs and lows

I started my 2019 in a good mood. I woke up at a friend's house and ate my favorite spaghetti. I felt awesome, physically, mentally, and psychologically. It was different from the everyday routine where I criticize my looks nor panicking because of time (I need two hours of travel time to go to work). At that moment, I embraced every aspect of my life, acknowledged my shortcomings, and planned how to improve myself and reach my dreams.

As I was lying on a bed while having my facial treatment, I contemplated it. I asked myself, "Where do I want to dedicate my life to?" "What sort of problems do I want to solve?" "What do I really want?" This is my silver year and the quarter-life crisis has been so eminent that one cannot ignore its existence. I am reminded of my idealistic younger self. Dreams flash in my mind; hopes are overwhelming to the point that I am excited to whatever awaits me. Indeed, I am scared, but when I picture myself living in a dream that I imagined, I couldn't help but become impatient and rush things. Truly, some moments may seem to drag and I often ask myself, "why can't I just jump to the future?" Time is really slow; I couldn't wait--I want to go outside the box. I am not saying I have figured everything out already but one thing is for sure, I won't change. Yes, I want to change.

I was anxious that I could not live my life to the fullest. I was furious to the fact that I am reaching my quarter-life yet the plans I set when I was young have not been met. I blamed everything, including the circumstances I have been. I thought my life was slowly progressing, and I was left behind. I was not happy. I struggled. I had so many aspirations yet my mind couldn't cope up with the pace. Everything was chaotic and I couldn't focus. I paused. Breathed. I  uttered, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. So this year, I made peace with the fact that even if I am not happy, I am growing--that small steps are still progressing. I learn to play the game of life with a mindset, 'one step at a time.'

Looking back, I thought I was really ready to settle anytime. But the happenings made me realize that I am not--that I still want to fulfill my childhood dreams; that I still want to go to different places; that I still want to buy things for myself and my family. Maybe, at that time, I felt the need to chase his pace just to cope up with his maturity and age. Now, the time has come to deal with things on my own. Nevertheless, it helped me go back on track, to ask the crucial things "Am I learning?" "Am I growing?" instead of "Am I loved?"



 ♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥