Ang poot at hapdi na dala ng ala-ala
Sumulpot nang bigla; wala man lang paalala.
Ang lugar kung saan una mo 'kong pinakilala
Ay siyang eksatong lugar kung saan mo siya dinala.
Iniibig kita, buong-buo, 'king sinta
Mula nang magsama; hanggang ngayong ika'y wala na
Pinagpalit sa iba, sa mga kaibigan ay sinama,
Habang ako'y naririto, sa sulok, nalulumbay, nagiisa.
Himutok sa dibdib ay naguumapaw
Sa litratong nasilayan, puso'y parang pumapanaw.
Tanggapin ay 'di gusto, katotohana'y may kaagaw
Libo-libong panalangin; walang silbing bulalakaw.
Naalala mo pa kaya ako?
Tulad ng pagsasabuhay ko sa lahat ng ala-ala mo
Nadarama mo rin ba ito?
Pait na dala nang ako'y iniwan mo.
Sa iba pang paboritong lugar, siya ba'y dinala mo na?
Kung saan tayo bumuo ng masasayang pagsasama
Habang naglalakad, magkahawak mga kamay
Sa gabing madilim, mga kiligang nakamamatay.
Unti-unti, bakas ko ay pinapalitan mo
Kasama sa halakhakan, hindi ako, ngunit ang bago;
Kailangang tumigil na ang nagdaramdam kong puso
Palayain nang tuluyan ang siyang dapat gawin ko.
♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Here's to the journeys of highs and lows
I started my 2019 in a good mood. I woke up at a friend's house and ate my favorite spaghetti. I felt awesome, physically, mentally, and psychologically. It was different from the everyday routine where I criticize my looks nor panicking because of time (I need two hours of travel time to go to work). At that moment, I embraced every aspect of my life, acknowledged my shortcomings, and planned how to improve myself and reach my dreams.
As I was lying on a bed while having my facial treatment, I contemplated it. I asked myself, "Where do I want to dedicate my life to?" "What sort of problems do I want to solve?" "What do I really want?" This is my silver year and the quarter-life crisis has been so eminent that one cannot ignore its existence. I am reminded of my idealistic younger self. Dreams flash in my mind; hopes are overwhelming to the point that I am excited to whatever awaits me. Indeed, I am scared, but when I picture myself living in a dream that I imagined, I couldn't help but become impatient and rush things. Truly, some moments may seem to drag and I often ask myself, "why can't I just jump to the future?" Time is really slow; I couldn't wait--I want to go outside the box. I am not saying I have figured everything out already but one thing is for sure, I won't change. Yes, I want to change.
I was anxious that I could not live my life to the fullest. I was furious to the fact that I am reaching my quarter-life yet the plans I set when I was young have not been met. I blamed everything, including the circumstances I have been. I thought my life was slowly progressing, and I was left behind. I was not happy. I struggled. I had so many aspirations yet my mind couldn't cope up with the pace. Everything was chaotic and I couldn't focus. I paused. Breathed. I uttered, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. So this year, I made peace with the fact that even if I am not happy, I am growing--that small steps are still progressing. I learn to play the game of life with a mindset, 'one step at a time.'
Looking back, I thought I was really ready to settle anytime. But the happenings made me realize that I am not--that I still want to fulfill my childhood dreams; that I still want to go to different places; that I still want to buy things for myself and my family. Maybe, at that time, I felt the need to chase his pace just to cope up with his maturity and age. Now, the time has come to deal with things on my own. Nevertheless, it helped me go back on track, to ask the crucial things "Am I learning?" "Am I growing?" instead of "Am I loved?"
♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥
As I was lying on a bed while having my facial treatment, I contemplated it. I asked myself, "Where do I want to dedicate my life to?" "What sort of problems do I want to solve?" "What do I really want?" This is my silver year and the quarter-life crisis has been so eminent that one cannot ignore its existence. I am reminded of my idealistic younger self. Dreams flash in my mind; hopes are overwhelming to the point that I am excited to whatever awaits me. Indeed, I am scared, but when I picture myself living in a dream that I imagined, I couldn't help but become impatient and rush things. Truly, some moments may seem to drag and I often ask myself, "why can't I just jump to the future?" Time is really slow; I couldn't wait--I want to go outside the box. I am not saying I have figured everything out already but one thing is for sure, I won't change. Yes, I want to change.
I was anxious that I could not live my life to the fullest. I was furious to the fact that I am reaching my quarter-life yet the plans I set when I was young have not been met. I blamed everything, including the circumstances I have been. I thought my life was slowly progressing, and I was left behind. I was not happy. I struggled. I had so many aspirations yet my mind couldn't cope up with the pace. Everything was chaotic and I couldn't focus. I paused. Breathed. I uttered, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. So this year, I made peace with the fact that even if I am not happy, I am growing--that small steps are still progressing. I learn to play the game of life with a mindset, 'one step at a time.'
Looking back, I thought I was really ready to settle anytime. But the happenings made me realize that I am not--that I still want to fulfill my childhood dreams; that I still want to go to different places; that I still want to buy things for myself and my family. Maybe, at that time, I felt the need to chase his pace just to cope up with his maturity and age. Now, the time has come to deal with things on my own. Nevertheless, it helped me go back on track, to ask the crucial things "Am I learning?" "Am I growing?" instead of "Am I loved?"
♥ ☺ ♥ And that what life brings. ♥ ☺ ♥
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